Hi Kalni. I'm home with a sick D today. I wouldn't expect an answer from H. At least that is the pattern with my H. If I do get an answer he never brings it up again.
It's ten after six here (afternoon) and I am still at work. It's getting crazier, I hope I'll be OK by the end of the week...
Last night when I went to bed I saw a dream (after many many months). It was a nightmare. The scariest thing I've ever "lived". I woke up by the sound of my voice whispering prayers. I actually woke up by my own voice. I was shaking and I wanted to leave the house (and my kids) and run away. I had to get up and check my doors and windows, pray some more and then I finally calmed down. When I say it was the scariest experience I mean it. I know it had to do a lot with me feeling stressed last night and so lonely. I sent a message to H around 1 asking "R u at work, home sleeping or out?". He never replied.
This morning he called and said he had left work after 2 and didn't want to wake me.He was worried because he didn't know what was going on. I told him and he was making fun of me saying that I always am a chicken s*&t... But I told him it was very real and he curious to know what it was.
2-3 hours later I sent him an email. Telling him that last night I would have asked him to come home stay with me until I was asleep again and then leave if he wanted to.
That I still believe we are meant to be together and that we are each others other half. But that I know and respect he has serious reasons to be away from us and although not everybody has the same sense of seriouness I accept his reasons AND understand them.
I tell him that I am accepting the situation the best way I can, trying not put any pressure on him. That I am OK either way he decides to move on and I will respect his decision although I feel that a new mariage between us would be so much better than the one we had because after this crisis none of us could ever be the same.
I tell him I would like to talk about where we stand whenever he feels like it, but as long I can hang on, I accept his reluctancy.
And then I attached the song I posted on Ali's thread "By your side".
I still have no answer. I will not instist on one or even ask for one. I feel good about it, didn't regret it. If it sends him out in the outerspace, no big deal. He was there anyway.
He was sweet and caring on the phone. And I was very feminine (not my strongest point the last 2 years).
I'll keep you posted of course if I have any reaction at all.
Kalni, sorry you're going thru' a difficult time. To answer your question to me on my last post, see the post from Just_Me on my 2nd thread the post is #1369901 - 02/27/08 04:53 PM.
Me-48, W-38 M14, D11, S7 W filed D 01/07 W had to move out 06/07 Current Thread
Wow Kalni" Thats massive and so brave of you. I think you pitched it at just the right level and I applaud you! Sometimes, my Counsellor just told me, if you open up a little and show some vunerability, it makes it easier for the other person who wants to open up to you and meet you half way. Sometimes, it pays to let the mask slip a little (she understands DBing and fully supports it). I hope he does open up to you now.
And its Monday !!! It was the best day to do this, did I post that to you yesterday? Mercury and Saturn are linked and its all about having a relationship talk at last. I hope he responds...
Ali xxx _______________ Me: 37 H: 34 T: 9 years ILYBINILWY: 2 Nov 07 Own apartment: 26 Jan 08 Depression confirmed!
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
