Baby steps in the right direction (thread 3)

[klm]

It has been a few days since my last post and my last thread locked. Last Thread

On Friday I was really having a hard time not calling H. I hadn't talked to him since Tuesday...and I didn't go over on Thursday like I have ever since he moved back. I was still feeling sick so I decided to just take some medicine and go to bed so I wouldn't be tempted. ...Just as I was about to take the medicine my phone rang. It was H. The conversation went like this:

H: Are you ok?
Me: Well, I have been sick but other than that I'm fine.
H: Are you mad at me?
Me: No
H: Then why didn't you come over or call last night?
Me: I wasn't feeling well...plus you could have called me.
H: But you ALWAYS call me and say you are coming over.
Me: Then maybe you should have wondered what was wrong with me
H: Ok, sorry you're right. Would you want to go have a drink with me tonight?

So anyway, I went out for a quick drink and then came home pretty early since I was feeling so bad. At one point H said "I am in a really good mood....and I am really glad you are here with me." Then he called Saturday to tell me how his day at work went. Then called me again yesterday to see how I was feeling and just to talk. ...Yep, I think backing off and letting him take the lead was a good thing. I just need to keep doing that.

So I finally broke down and went to the doctor this weekend. He said I have bronchitis. They gave me two shots and he wrote me four prescriptions. I feel a lot better today...not 100% but I am getting there.

[JAK58]

Glad your feeling better.
Bronchitits can kick your butt if you catch it late.

JAK

[klm]

Thanks JAK. Hopefully I caught it quick enough. I am feeling so much better today. I am still very weak and tired, but the medicine is definitely helping with the soreness and the coughing.

[klm]

Last night H called and asked if I had any plans for St. Patrick's Day. I said no and he asked if I wanted to come have a drink with him so I said sure.

Everything was going fine....until H's phone started ringing. He had it out on the table and I it was on silent but it would light up everytime it rang. I could see the name on the phone and it was OW. She called a few times and then sent several texts. He just ingnored it and I did too....until it finally got to me. I said "You might as well just go ahead and call her back because she is going to keep on until you do." He said "What are you talking about?" I said "I can see the name that keeps popping up on your phone." He just kind of rolled his eyes and then we sat in awkward silence for a while.

So then I went to the bathroom and came back. He rubbed my arm and said "are you ok?" I said "I guess I just had it in my mind that you don't talk to her anymore." Then I couldn't help it, the tears started flowing. I told him I was sorry that I was crying and he said don't worry about it. He said "do you want to know what she wanted?" I guess he checked his phone when I went to the bathroom. I said yes and he said..."she was callinng to tell me about the bad weather in TX."

He said every now and then she calls me or texts me something about the weather or politics (politics and music was the thing they 'connected' on) every now and then. He said it is always something that doesn't even matter. He said it is not this big romance that you have in your head, I really don't talk to her very much. So why did she have to call and text SO much about the weather??? Just doesn't make sense. Why doesn't she just leave him alone???????

I know I shouldn't have reacted the way I did but I couldn't help it. This morning I woke up and felt like an idiot and I really want to call him and apologize. But, I just don't feel like I will ever be able to trust him again. Our relationship is tainted and I don't know if I can get past it. I feel like I will always feel like he is deceiving me.

[MichelleLT]

I am glad you are getting treated for the bronchitis and hope you feel better soon.

I am also glad your H is taking some initiative with the R.

They say time heals all wounds, and it's largely true. I think you should be patient, and see where things go. If you really can't get past it, that doesn't stop you from leaving later, so it's worth giving things a shot now.

[klm]

Well, I think the alcohol mixed with all the meds I am on for the bronchitis right now really did a number on me last night. I only had a couple of beers but I think the medicine amplified it. That is probably where the tears came from...and probably why I felt I had overreacted this morning.

Now I am wondering if I should call him and say I overreacted or just let it die down. I am sure I made him uncomfortable. After all, he wasn't calling her, she was calling him and he wasn't running off answering it...or hiding it for that matter.

I just want her out of our lives. It seems like she will never go away.

[GoingForward]

Hi, klm. Sorry to hear about the bronchitis! I know how awful it can be because I'm a huge sinus/allergy sufferer, and most times a sinus cold will turn into bronchitis for me. Ugh.

Don't feel like an idiot. You're human and have feelings, too, ok? Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, it's almost impossible to keep them all inside. After the small incident, how did things end last night?

Aside from that, at least two positives to note: one, your H called YOU, and two, HE asked YOU out for a drink. Wasn't that something you wanted to see more of?

Rebuilding trust takes time, understanding, and, as Michelle said, patience. It might feel a little hopeless at times, but it CAN happen. It CAN be rebuilt.

(((((klm)))))

[klm]

Things ended with him giving me a hug and a kiss on the forehead. When we were leaving is when he said their relationship was not what I had built up in my head. He said she calls him periodically but their "friendship" was never deep. He said she was just always someone to talk to and it was always very shallow. He said they never talked about anything important...just music and politics (things he never felt "connected" to me on). We had driven separately so when I got in the car I just bawled.

I am just so drained. I really feel like I am competing with her STILL. He couldn't see her even if he wanted to but I still find myself questioning if I am as much fun to be around as her. I am pretty quiet and she is very outgoing and talkative and I think that is what drew H to her (she is a radio dj )

Yes, there are positives. He called and asked me out Friday night and last night. He also called me on Saturday and Sunday just to talk.

I am really trying to be patient. The thing is that if his phone had been in his pocket and I never knew she was calling things would have been great. So is ignorance bliss?? I know trust can be rebuilt....I am just not sure how to do that right now.

[Starshyne]

As someone who is overly emotionally and mess up in this way too much (I really hate how I start crying when I really don't need to...), I think you shouldn't bring it up again. Just let it die. I know that is what works best with my H. If I bring up my crying again, it just makes him think about it and feel that uncomfortable that he was feeling at that time all over agian.

[MichelleLT]

Well, it sounds like he is doing what needs to be done on his end - being transparent, reassuring you, etc. I think the missing ingredient is merely time. You need time to heal.

I don't think it was a big deal, I think it's good to let him know how you feel sometimes. You can't pretend forever.

Just focus on your GAL and PMA and work and getting better. Being sick and on all those meds is not helping your PMA and things will look better in a few days.