H is still avoidant of any R talk. I feel he is still having a hard time connecting. Have had three or four ILY's since Oct of o6 last one being the beginning of Jan. He is trying to be attentive but still very quiet. He cannot really look into my eyes. Guilt maybe, or maybe still unsure. Refuses to go to any sort of counceling, doesn't want to talk about R just wants to live it, as he says.
Left a card for H this morning, simple. I wrote that I felt he was still having a hard time and that I loved and appreciated how much he has done and love him always no matter what happens.
We will see how that goes. I feel more was said on the card than would be said in convo with him, without scaring him off or me getting to emotional. It is so hard not to tear up when we do discuss R since he refuses to say much.
Physical intimacy has been great but, there are days I feel like im prostituting myself, as he has had a hard time connecting, as he said last fall.
I just don't know how much longer I can stay in this when I still after all this time have no idea if he will decide to really love me again. Is he trying, some days I think so but,not everyday. I can not and will not live the rest of my life in a M that he is just exsisting in for lack of something better, and that is the way I feel today. Yes he does know that I feel this way as it has been discussed before. Does he remember? Probobly but, I feel he just thinks I won't go anywhere.
JAK
OH, by the way I am now going to have a set of Twin Girl grandchildren!! Yea for girls.
Sorry guys but, in my book today girls rule.
Last edited by jak58; 03/17/0801:25 PM.
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
