on hold

[stella_k]

(((((Addie))))), thank you, it really helps.

I didn't get much sleep and feel lousy today. Have this really weird feeling that I walk around with a hole in my stomach (fear is back?).

It turned out that H has told the friend about A a MONTH ago. I couldn't resist and called another close friend. She haven't heard anything and complained about H not being seen for a MONTH and not calling anybody. It does look like a Withdrawal, overlapping Depression, doesn't it? I didn't tell her and I'm not going to. If H wants to, he can tell everybody.

I asked to see our department chair today. If he will let me open summer course, I will stay 2 more months on campus, June and July. I still don't know what to do with Deadline I've given to H. Ignore it? Tell him the deadline was set for myself, not for him? MLCers should not be rushed into making decisions...

I asked myself today, why am I standing. I don't want to meet another men or get married again or grow old with someone else. It's winning him back versus being alone. Being alone doesn't scare me at all. Losing H does.