Thank you very much, Ali, BT, and Sleeper. I think you are speaking wise words. I have been really making steps in engaging in my hobbies and meeting some new people. I did so today again. I feel proud of myself for doing this, as it is very important in my own growth as a person. At the same time, I also feel really sad because it is so natural to want to share this w/ W.
Re: selling the place, my W. is leasing an apt until the end of May. After that, I don't know what will happen. We've had no discussion about it so far and I don't think I want to raise it at this point. Rest assured, I was not going to sell the place, but I meant I would start to look around at where I may live next. This really kills me to do so, and my W. has not given any indication that I should be doing that. I guess I just feel that I was so hurt by her bomb of moving out in the beginning of December that I felt somehow I should "prepare". I know it sounds silly, but a part of me wanted to drop a "bomb" on her, where if she tells me it's over in a few weeks, I can say "I know, I've been looking at places for a month and have an offer on one to move in at the beginning of June". It's a stupid and childlike vengeful fantasy. I don't want to hurt her and the hard part is that I truly believe she does not want to hurt me.
Ali, no the MC is not all about breaking up. It's about "exploration" vs. reconciliation at this time. That means that the focus is understanding where we are now and how we got here. It is very helpful to have the MC to ask questions of my W. that would be much more difficult for her to hear from me.
I thank you all for your support. This board has been a very important connection for me. I do attend IC and the MC, but here is where I feel I can post and vent with people who really understand. You are my virtual buddies. I feel so sad but I am truly appreciative of your help and not giving up on me as a person.
