CAGZ new YEAR - (meredith your 5 years motivated)

[cagzmom]

I had an "epithany" (sp??) today. Actually it has been building...but a couple of things.

I quit smoking 12 years ago this summer. I remember it like it was yesterday. AND to this point I have said that quitting smoking was the hardest thing I have ever done. The urges- teh pulls they were terrible. I bought every buns of steel tape that I could to divert my attention - I rollerbladed...changed BEHAVIORS that CIRCLED AROUND SMOKING.

Well - it is time that I quit Hing. I have been told that he was a drug to me. "Just one hit..Just one conversation ..just one just one." BUT the REASON I DIDNT pick up a cigeratte was becasue of the ANXIETY that it caused me quitting. NOT PHYSICAL pain but emotional. I HAD TO CHOOSE TO CHANGE. Just not buying cigerattes wasn't enough....because as any smoker knows we are always willing to share. I HAD TO CHOOSE TO KNOCK IT OFF!! MY CHOICE KNOWONE could do it for me.

I have heard it - said it - and had it drilled into my head. BUT I REALLY see my addiction. So as they would do in AA i will do right here.

"I am an addict...my addiction is my hold that I have on my H."

Enough already. REALLY enough. He is NOT CHANGING and it is not my job to change him. I AM MOVING FORWARD and I do care/love him deeply. BUT this is MY LIFE. I WONT "get anohter fix" WHY? Because the withdrawls are HELL!!

The last "real" conversation I had with him was over a month ago----and the affect ARE NOT WORTH IT!! For now I can not have a fix.

ENOUGH!