H is having affair after all

[Evie]

Hoooollly - LOL - ALL the girlie bits!!!! i'm tempted but don't think i could cope with the indignity and pain of it, plus it grows back to quickly, how often to you have to go? ha ha ha i am so LOL right now.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
That is where H trusts the W (or visa versa) with all his bad qualities, and his affair partner with all his good qualities. It is pure fantasy, but until they go through the process of taking back the qualities they "parked" in other people, they will not hear anything you have to say. He has all the answers.
So save your breath.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

You are sooo right about this, this is equal to the honeymoon period and i'm aware that if i react to him or her it will push them together even more and they may think they have a future. H is sooo angry with ME, he misconstrues everything i say and do. DB (and the happy pills)are showing me the way to not be reactive.

I also like the bit you wrote about OW having Low Self Esteem, I wouldn't have thought she did, but now looking at her life, something must have been missing and I DON't suffer from LSE, so it boosts my confidence even more to here you say that Holly, it makes me stronger actually. Also the bit about still been connected, is it b/c he is sh*t scared i'm about to wipe him out financially or b/c he is unsure he wants a life w/o me? Interesting.

Today I did react to h's anger (hadn't had a pill as wasn't expecting him to come in..). He dropped the boys off at t time, i wasn't expecting him to come into the house as i have quite clearly said i wanted space.... I had the DB website open on my computer (Sh*t) i couldn't get to the office quick enough to shut it down. A row ensued, it wasn't pleasant and i was upset, we rowed about the business and he said i wasn't telling him of my intentions.

I quickly sent off this email to H before he had the chance to email an angry email:

'' H,

xxxxxxxx (password for business)
yyyyyyyy (pasword for business)

Passwords weren't changed delibrately to avoid you logging on, the computer crashed on me last week, concidence i know, you are welcome to the passwords, i still have a problem logging on, but you'll see that when you try. I'm sorry you are angry and that you feel i am withholding info about the business, i'm not at all.

I was on a website reading about unfidelty when you came in, as i wasn't expecting you to come in I hadn't shut down the computer, you made me feel anxious.

Now i'm really upset by what has just been said, it's not what i want. Please try and make some allowances for me not been rational or calm, i feel that is unreasonable to expect that from me right now. I have asked for time and space and i feel i'm not getting that, and in the long run it's only making matters worse, every time i see you my feelings resurface. PLease leave me alone.

I will reiterate what i have said previously:

I have asked to have no communication with you unless urgent/boys for 4 weeks, when i'll reasses my feelings. I have said i will not be making any decisions right now, but have assured you that the business will continue as normal. i have also assured you that i will not keep the boys from you because they love you and my love for them outweighs my anger at you.

I will ask again that you please leave me alone, 1 email a day, any more and i won't read them''.


I received this reply:

i'm sorry for being angry - all I want is access to the business and all that is involved with the business - Once again I'm sorry for being angry

I have no wish to be angry at you what so ever - like you its not what I want.

What do I need to do with the Easter hat you gave me and when does it need to be ready???

H

since then i've had another 2 emails from H, i read 2 b/c the title said 'devasting news' - he said he had received some bad news from his dad today and just wanted to tell somebody. I did reply, and asked 'what? and why tell me? (I thought the worst thinking his dad was terminally ill), it wasn't news about his dad directly, and isn't relevant here, so i won't go into it and i haven't replied to his email.

I've now had another email, entitled 'Easter Timetable for the boys'. That can wait until tomorrow, b/c i'm clear and thought i had made it clear what was happening with child care over the Easter period.

Laters

X Evie

[Evie]

Thanks Saffie, Jen and code blue,

I've been working on my post forever and your posts got crossed.

Jen, went for a swim this morning and thrashed about madly in the pool, felt much better after though.

Holly - I was thinking about my 400m IM and you whilst swimming, butterfly needs workin on, could never do this stroke.

Jen - enjoy your week off, hope this rain stops and hope you are feeling a little better yourself, how are the piggies coming on?

D2 had a melt down tonight, school, workstuff and H all getting to her, had to get her dad involved. Think she will now go down to Bournemouth to see him over Easter, the change of scenery will do her good.

xxx Evie xxxxx

[Evie]

Thanks Saffie, Jen and code blue,

I've been working on my post forever and your posts got crossed.

Jen, went for a swim this morning and thrashed about madly in the pool, felt much better after though.

Holly - I was thinking about my 400m IM and you whilst swimming, butterfly needs workin on, could never do this stroke.

Jen - enjoy your week off, hope this rain stops and hope you are feeling a little better yourself, how are the piggies coming on?

D2 had a melt down tonight, school, workstuff and H all getting to her, had to get her dad involved. Think she will now go down to Bournemouth to see him over Easter, the change of scenery will do her good.

xxx Evie xxxxx

[Holly06]

Tell H I am not sure I think Easter Hat will look good on him.....

Evie, you are studdering!!!!!!


Stick to your boundaries...... it will save you, and H is testing them.

In regards to MLC,
my thinking is that there is a childhood issue that remains unresolved. better indication that there is a mlc. The other signs are there, and he is just winding up!!!!!

Dad issues? Mom issues? Not good enough issues?

They will try lots of bandaids, OW, drinking, internet porn, new looks (shaving chest hair is a new one for TJ, and he is on the downside!!!!!!!!
Trying to mask a depression.
Look up covert male depression, see if that fits.

When you get The Solo Partner, that will be an eye opener too.

How do you feel knowing that you are not alone in this sorrowful and sad existance? Does it help?

I found comfort in H going through this was a process, and I just had to sit on the curb and watch.
One poster, in 2006 had a thread titled, just sitting on the curb, watching the mlc spin. Pull up a cement block I am serving margaritas, what will you have?
Pull up your feet when they get out of control, and they will come to "mommy" when they need to touch base with comfort.
blah blah blah.
It did help me, because there is usually an end to processes.

[Yoyowife]

Holly,
I've tried looking up one of your threads, but I can't seem to find one. I just see where you have posted to others. So from the looks of it you and your husband have been separated for over two years? I've been at this a while, and you give me hope...

I've got a thread if you wouldn't mind looking at it. I truly believe my H is experiencing MLC also.

[seekpeaceofmind]

I finally have had a chance to stop by and see how you are doing. I haven't had internet access at home. . . . It seems like you are doing pretty well. I'm glad you are seeing a counselor. You've been really respectful and clear in setting your boundaries with H - too bad he won't honor this and chooses instead to act like a self-centered child - I guess that is part of MLC. . . He seems to be full of dread and anxiety that you are going to punish him through the boys or the business or some way - more projection?

Our friend says he has seen H and H has said that they were both seperated when the affair started and sees it as 2 seperated people doing just that.

It's almost funny that he keeps repeating this as if it explains or justifies his behavior. Did you watch "Friends" - maybe it wasn't on in England. There was this whole thing about two of the characters being in love with each other and always not quite connecting. Finally they are together, but they have a fight and she says she wants some time apart. He ends up in a one-night stand and she finds out. Fireworks. From that moment forward, whenever his cheating is discussed, he said "We were on a break!" as if that should have been the last word on the subject.

[Evie]

seek, thanks, was getting worried about you, i'll pop over to you in a bit.

Yes i've seen that episode of friends, it's so funny, in realty its not, obviously men differ from women, if i've learnt anything, its that i'm dealing with a child husband. I should have made my feelings clear at the time of the seperation,that I thought it was a break for space. When i found out the bitch had left her H i did say to H that we needed to set some boundaries and not see other people, especially him seeing her, and he said he wasn't (but he already was).

Holly - i'm sure S2's easter bonnet would look just as good on h as on my 4 year old!

What did you mean when you said i was 'studdering' and that H was just winding up with his MLC?

MLC - interesting, my thoughts have wavered between his upbringing, he never grieved when his mum died, he had left home at 17, not particurlary close to his parents, they split when he was 14 as his mom had an affair, maybe he has depression, maybe commitment/responsibilty phobic, maybe i'm just clutching at the hope straw here and he doesn't love me as he has said constantly since the bomb, even when PA confirmed he still said he had told me how he felt.

He did have a tatoo 4 years ago and he always wants things he can't afford. OW is/was loaded, she had the lifestyle he craved.

Holly - was your H in mlc?

Holly - in answer to your question about having other people in this sitch to help, yes, definately. I think I would have filed last week if i didn't have the friends i have made on and off this site to help calm me down and see that there maybe hope and to not make any decisions that i may regret later.

i have just answered an email from H that he sent last night. He has replied, but i'm not opening it and i'm sticking to my 1 email a day rule. Having said that I did receive a phone call from h this morning. He came to collect boys for school as usual, s1 has not been well, i gave him some medicine first thing, h phoned me to see if i had given s1 meds? S1 is 8 and can tell his dad he had had medicine, in fact he and d2 DID tell H!! Then i had a follow up email, to ask if he needed to make a drs appointment for H. He should have taken him yesterday. I made the appointment in the end and took s1. He is fine by the way, but I did think it was an ear infection. S1 still went to school, so he wasn't that bad, if he were i would have made that call and not gone to work. H again is just contacting me for the sake of it, you may disagree as s was involved.

x evie

[Holly06]

studdering= double posting. I like to make fun of you cause I do it all the time.
winding up= IF H is in MLC, then, he is in the beginning, the beginning of the visible stage of replay.
I believe your H has enough childhood issues to compel him to go back and relive 17 again. Just my 2 cents, and I wouldn't go to the bank on 2 cents.
It is enough to warrant a better look at MLC,.

As a disclaimer, we in the MLC forum think everyone is in a MLC.
We think this is the answer for all the problems that an individual shows. Just so you know what I think others may think of us over there. (JK a little bit, but if we can't be honest here to help one another to find the closest truth we can, what good are we),
please make your own appraisal of your situation.

Some say MLC and DB don't overlap very much, well, yes and no.
Come to your own conclusions please.

Good for you in keeping your boundaries. You will have to be firm for the first several tries at toppling them, but after that H will get that what you say is what it is gonna be

Yoyo, I am on my way!

My sitch, yes, TJ is still in MLC. We are going to vacation together next week wit my family and 2/3 daughters with their husbands. I will have a better idea where he is after spending that much time with him..


I have been forced to learn patience. I like to pray,. "Lord grant me patience, but hurry"...

Do ya'll still do the easter hat thing in the UK? I am in awe,,,, not so much here. We are all about the chocolate and hunting of eggs.....

Kinda like your way though!

BTW, did you know that HOooolllly came from taking too many spins around the stripper pole?

Yeah, I know. Too much information.......

It is awful. I am 50 and so naughty.....
and a kindy teacher at that!

[Yoyowife]

Eve,
Yes, I agree that your H is finding reasons to contact you. Play it cool and just act as if. I think you handling things very well. Be pleasant, but let him ask the questions and you answer them. Be a little aloof without being rude.

Hugs,

[saffie]

I am 50 and so naughty.....

Not a darn thing wrong with that. My age is in my siggy line and I am working at getting naughtier EVERY day. My mom would tell you that I have been working hard at it since the day I was conceived!!!!!