Very true Gypsy I hadn't even thought about the indent!
Hello Everyone.. Happy Sunday to you! And thank you for your votes of confidence!
I was thinking over last night and this morning that maybe I was mistaken.. maybe I'm imagining these things.. or making them sound like more than they are... I KNOW, I need to stop doing that.. it must be an automatic defense mechanism. It's just when we spoke on the phone yesterday around noon.. we had a great chat.. we talked about D2 and movies and whatever (nothing R related).. it was nice.. just like all our talks are when we're not talking about our R. But then he said he'd call later.. I don't think I actually care that he didn't call later to talk to me but it bothers me when he doesn't call D2 to wish her good night.. I guess since he spoke to her at noon he felt that was enough? I don't know. Anyway, because he didn't call her to say good night and the last time he saw her was on Wednesday.. I was thinking that maybe he's really not moving towards us at all..
Okay, let's skip to this morning.. D2 and I are preparing to take a walk to Tim Hortons (for those of you that aren't Canadian it is THE coffee place in Canada.. pretty much everyone grabs a cup of Joe at Timmies). Anyway, I got D2 all dressed and ready and grabbed my wallet and my phone.. and felt my phone vibrating. Well there was a text from H. He sent it at 3:30pm yesterday. He said "maybe we could go on a date sometime. Like dinner and a movie. I'm not sure when but before my surgery."
So I guess I wasn't imagining things or exaggerating things. I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and see where it leads. My goal is to be my favourite person in the world.. and hopefully that will lead me to being my H's favourite person (excluding himself of course) in the world (which was my status for a very long time.. I only wish I had realized sooner that I wasn't holding that place for him any longer).
Well D2 is calling.. it's time to get back to playing.
Thank you again for being so wonderful and supportive. You guys are the best!
W2G, That's a really positive sign. Yes, keep doing what you are doing. It seems to be working (maybe not as quickly as you'd like though). I immediately get similar negative thoughts when H doesn't call S but then something "positive" usually happens. Your goal is great: to become your favourite person in the world. Your H will most definitely notice this.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
I don't exactly see what is you are doing except living your life, but it sures makes wonders to him. Was it that simple? Can you figure out what has been the biggest 180 you did the lst days? Can you tell me please? (did you by any chance change your hair color, wax, had a tatoo, wore a mini skirt?).
WAY 2 GO !!! Seduce him during your date (not sexually, but seduce him in any and all other ways)...
I think the biggest 180 I have done is try to be happy.. as I mentioned to you all I was in a really negative place leading up to the bomb.. mostly about work.. and I'm pretty sure it was difficult to come home to someone so unhappy.. so I'm trying to be more positive.
I also am asking more about his work and he is volunteering more about his work.. I was always his biggest cheerleader. His family wasn't very supportive and it was a long hard road for him.. now that he's reached some success his family is showing them he is proud.. but I have always been proud.. I think I was so self absorbed due to my work situation and being a Mom that I stopped being the supportive person he needed me to be. I became negative and always worried about expenses and just the daily household and mother type stuff. I began resenting how much he was away from home and how I had to do everything.. 'cause he used to be VERY helpful around the house.. and wasn't able to be anymore.. whereas I took on more things since he couldn't do them anymore, plus was working a job I hated, plus was the full time parent. I just was in a really bad place, exhausted and felt unappreciated. What I didn't realize is that a big part of his drive to succeed (although I know EGO is definitely in there as well) is to support us, his family.. and since I wasn't being supportive anymore he was feel used and hurt.. He likely felt I didn't respect him anymore and I'm sure he wasn't feeling much respect for me either.
We have also had sex a few times.. and although its not the best DBing it is a 180 from where we were in our SSM.
I have backslid with relationship talks every couple of weeks it seems.. but at the same time he seems to react down the line to some of the things that have come up during these talks.. like when I said to him that I don't know how is ever going to view me as anything more than D2's Mommy when that is the only time he ever sees me.
He's always liked my humour.. and our friendly conversations as of late have allowed me the opportunity to whip out my quit whit.. I know that humour is a huge turn on for him (as it also is for me).
We were so good once upon a time.. I still don't know how I was so blind to see how far we'd fallen or grown apart...
I know that I need to be the person he can count on and confide in... so the more he lets me in to his life the better.. I just need to keep being happy.
My plan is still to join parents without partners. I had wanted to do it this week but the director at D2's daycare was away this week (March break) and I need her as a reference to prove that I am separated. I'm really looking forward to meeting some new people.. people that I won't feel I'm pulling away from their families on the weekends.. since weekends do seem to be the only time families have to spend together.
Oh, I forgot to mention.. One of the other things I said to H when we had our last R talk last weekend.. was that I knew his work was going to be crazy over the next couple of years.. with all of his hours and that it was going to be really tough on us.. but that never once did it cross my mind to look for someone else even though we weren't able to really grow our relationship at the time.. that I had thought I was making the best of the situation and that after he had paid his dues there would be all the time in the world for D2 and I.. but he instead looked at the time apart and the distance that was growing as reason to consider dating other people or pursuing other relationships.. I told him I didn't understand how two people could react it two such different ways.
I know that he loves me and doesn't want to hurt me.. but he is just looking out for his best interest... In time I hope he realizes that I am that best interest. What we had is gone.. but it can hopefully be rebuilt into something much stronger... and much more beautiful.
We'll see if this date happens.. he needs to do the legwork for that. I do know that I'll see him tomorrow for his night with D2.. and he's bringing phad thai (sp?) which we both LOVE.. although he thinks I'm wimpy for not getting it HOT like he does. I only get one flame and he gets two!
But I've babbled on long enough. Gotta get back to "Meet the Robinsons".
I am very happy for you that things are going your way, and looking much better with you and h.
I wish i had the same as you, but there really is not hope of that ever happening again. I too have a sense of humor like you, and h always liked that. Now when i use it, i get nothing, maybe a little smirk. Nothing like the out loud laugh i used to get.
But this is not about me, its about you. I am proud of you, you work it, work it, work it girl.
hugs bear
Me 42-Him 40 T20yrs Married 16yrs 2/06 H- "not sure if i want to be married anymore" 6/07 H-"I'm not happy" 9/07 Admits affair & OW 12/08 I moved out 12/09 still waiting for divorce
Large double double please!