My H and I are not together anymore right now. But he has come and gone three times this last year. I have seen most of the stages of the MLC in my H and he seems to be in replay right now with a strong case of depression.
I am wondering if any of you in Piecing with a MLCer have seen all the stages. Especially the last few (depression, withdrawl and acceptance). How long did these stages seem to take and what did they appear like to you?
I am also wondering if any of you have had your spouse come and go several times before they completely exited the tunnel and returned for good?
Also, what signs were there that show you that they want to be permenantly back with you. TIPPER
you could look at Hearts blessing's in MLC forum under MLC success's and the six stages of MLC are there. Don't know if you have read them or not but they might give you some kind of idea as to where your H might be at this time.
I don't think any one should put a time line on MLC as it depends on the MLC person and the severity of it.
Right now I feel my H might be entering into acceptance, as he has been attentive but still withdrawn. I can se him coming thru but he still won't talk about it.
JAK
Last edited by jak58; 03/17/0807:35 PM.
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
I have read all the MLC stuff here and several other books on the topic. I know about the six stages. I guess I am just wondering if the end is kindof clear or if it is a series of coming and going, connecting then drifting.
There is no doubt in my mind that my H is still deep in replay. He has been there on and off this entire year. But just as soon as I think he is kindof waking up he no sooner runs again.
Right now he is an alcoholic. Slowly he became more and more of a drinker when his business started going down hill, and his drinking has become out of control for over a year now. He practically lives at the bar.
I don't like to think of this being on any specific timeline, because I just know it all takes a lot of time. So I need to be patient. Understanding all this gives some patience so any guidance would be valued.
Did your H come and go before he got to this entering of the acceptance stage? TIPPER
He was attentive and truly trying to work on us yet he bought OW a gift and was still taking to her at work. He would be fine with me one day and mean the next. Right now he is quiet and won't talk about us. I think he feels guilty and wants to brush it under the rug but,at the same time he is having trouble reconnecting nad looking me in the eyes so yes he still has work to do. Just don't know how much longer I can wait.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Jak, Thanks for the response. I wish he had never moved out. He had been saying for two yrs that he didn't think that we should be together, but then would stay and act like the H I know and love and I didn't really think he could be serious, but he was. Last year he moved out and has been coming and going ever since. I can't stand this new life I am getting used to all alone and scared and crying all the time. TIPPER
Jak, also, I just wanted to wish you luck with your H. Has he come out and said to you that he wants to work on the M, or is he just showing signs of coming into the acceptance stage? TIPPER
Yes tipper he did say he wanted to work on it and im'e sure he is in his own way. I am just afraid that he is waiting for the emotional connection to just miraculously appear.
Jak
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
