Ya no kids but she does seem to be a bit more friendlier. But not sure if that is her just doing that because I was upset with her for being treated like a complete stranger..... so confusing sometimes.
Ya she opened up a little a few days ago and said that she had no real life friends, sounds like she is lost, but she is also telling people we know she is happy and at peace with her decision to divorce. But at times almost as if she is trying to convince herself.
I guess besides working on stuff I haven't liked about myself for years all I can do is be patient and wait to see if there is anything left. I am just having a rough rough day, part of me is happy and part of me is sad. I feel like I am going in a million different directions.
I was reading last night and something dawned on me. "unconditional Love," I will love her no matter what happens. Tis all I can do. Good or bad as long as I do that whole heartedly I have decided I am at peace. Of course it still hurts but what I haven't shown her is pure love without any hooks over last few years.
Maybe it is t late maybe it isn't. Only God knows what path I just pray I can do what he needs me to do. Hopefully I don't sound silly.
I have my own theory on so-called unconditional love.
I think that we have a certain level of what we call "love" for other people, which is truly unconditional. You will feel this level of love for them no matter what they do. This "baseline" love is what we feel for our spouses, children, family members, best friends etc. But I think that love can be "enhanced" above the baseline, by things that our loved ones do or say, for us and others. For instance, your kid is a great kid, does things for you and other people, gives of himself freely. The "enhanced" love is through the roof. Then that same kid gets gets addicted to drugs. You still love him. But the warm feelings of "enhanced" love can dwindle to the point of not being there. That variable piece is what I think we call "conditional love". But the unconditional never goes away.
In other words, you may say to your spouse, "I love you this much, and I will always love you this much". That is without conditions, or 'unconditional'. But the 'enhanced' love is what grows and grows (or dwindles) over the years, and is what disappears when a spouse says ILYBINILWY. That is conditional love, and once again, the unconditional is still there.
I think that is why my wife says she loves me, and will always love me...but her "feelings of love" have dwindled to a very low point. And we are both hoping the tank can be refilled.
This is totally a theory, but it makes sense to me!
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
hang in there man, I was there a few weeks ago or a month or more. Now I have no desire to call and actually prefer it when we do not see or speak to each other. Her need for space must have been contagious because I feel it as well. But not too long ago I was the lost whimpering puppy dog. Maybe this is me regaining a sense of self respect. What ever it is I much prefer it to where I was.
Hang on bro, it will get better. My wife and I also lost any connection with any outside friends and in turn she focused on us and what she did not like. And here we are. Never saw it coming but it gets better every day.
Not calling her but it sure hurts. I am 100% GAL and all that infact I do feel very good in one regard to my life these days but I still feel a little bit of my heart missing. I am sure this is common.
Just venting and typing here so I do not call her. I do not want to give up hope but being in limbo even though she served me papers is crap. I just get the vib she is rushing because "She feels at peace with this decision. And are completely happy now. Eating well, sleeping well..." It has only been about 5 weeks.
Uggh ok over thinking again. JS and MM thanks for the advice and to the rest of us out there thanks for listening as always.
Haha, my W said the same exact things..."finally sleeping well, knots in my back are gone, feeling great, i don't miss TV at all, i'm really enjoying being on my own". That was 6 weeks ago.
Now it's "it's so nice to have someone to hug, you smell great, can you please rub my back/feet - i'm all tied in knots, i sure do get lonely sometimes, wow it's so nice to watch a movie with you".
I think it's progress, and it is happening so gradually I don't even see how big it is until I type it out like this.
But it is still, for me, a delicate sitch that can go sour with one stupid move. So that is why I got a DB coach, and why I bounce everything off of the fine folks here!
Good luck, and take one hour, one day, one week at a time....
I hope this happens for you as well, buddy.
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
