Not sure how to handle this

[mishka422]

Thank you all for your kind words. I'm doing ok today. Went to church this morning. It was a beautiful Palm Sunday and we had a special guest musician this morning. He was SUCH a blessing. By the end of his last song the whole church was weeping but feeling SO blessed. It was awesome!

My son is doing really well. He is autistic (Aspberger's Syndrome) so he doesn't process emotions the way most kids his age would. I'm actually thankful for that.

H did tell S13 that he would still take him to karate "and stuff" but made no commitments to anything and I'm not going to ask him to either. I made a schedule for him after the last time he left but I will not do that again for him. He will have to contact me to set up arrangements if he wants to take S13 somewhere otherwise I am going to make our schedule as if he were dead.

Financially, I don't know how I'm going to survive. I knew at some level that H was not really coming home for the reasons he was giving me. I knew he was just faking this out of some warped sense of guilt and it wouldn't last but my own fear of being alone, losing my insurance when I need it most, and not being able to fully provide for my family opened myself back up to him. That was so wrong but I really only have myself to blame. I knew he wouldn't and couldn't change. Something seriously traumatic is going to have to happen before H will believe that he needs a personal relationship with Christ to be happy and content. I will continue to pray for him but I won't hold out any hope for us any longer. I just can't do it, I'm too tired and there are too many things I need to do for my family to survive.