big day tomorrow, really would like some support from fellow db'rs. when h spoke to me today his vioce sounded cold, the voice he uses with strangers....this all makes no sense. how can someone love u, start a family and 8months after u have your baby feel nothing for u?! anyway that's just the way it is.
Please some urgent advice. My h finally admitted OW. But he is now living with her and having a physical R. Tomorrow is our last counselling session. He says it is so he can end things with me properly. The counsellor does everything to make him feel like this is all ok. He has told me he wants me to be his friend and that i must be around when he visits d - so we can feel like a family. what do i do tomorrow, how do i react - obviously i still want him back because i love him!
Please some urgent advice. My h finally admitted OW. But he is now living with her and having a physical R. Tomorrow is our last counselling session. He says it is so he can end things with me properly. The counsellor does everything to make him feel like this is all ok. He has told me he wants me to be his friend and that i must be around when he visits d - so we can feel like a family. what do i do tomorrow, how do i react - obviously i still want him back because i love him!
I may be wrong here, but i wouldn't bother going to C session at all tomorrow. Grab a little power back for yourself. You really don't have to dance to his tune. He wants his cake right now and the C is condoning it. Plus, it might shake things up a little.
And, I thought that DBing was to take care of you, not keep suffering these indignities in C that don't seem to working anyway. And we DBers are supposed to stop doing things that don't work, right?
I'm so sorry and I know how much pain there is. It is so frustrating to listen to the f'ed up sh*t that comes out of their mouths. And to have a C that keeps egging it on is just too much. I think they both are getting some kind of perverse pleasure from inflicting this pain onto you. That C sounds very unprofessional.
Why "must" you be around when H is visiting with your D??? If he doesn't want to physically be a family anymore, then he should get to know what that's really going to be like.
Sounds like he wants all the comforts of home without actually having to live there. He shouldn't be allowed to have it all HIS way - not live with you but have you there when it's supposed to be his time with your D because that's how HE wants it.
Just my two cents.
Last edited by GoingForward; 02/24/0810:08 PM.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
I agree with the others, SS -- he's cake-eating. He needs to understand that HE doesn't call the shots on everything, and he certainly doesn't get to control how "normal" his family life will be if he divorces you.
Personally, I don't agree with even GOING to counseling when there is an active affair going on, so I wouldn't go. I would simply say "It's not my job to provide 'closure' for you, and I'll no longer go to what I've been perceiving is a 'divorce counselor', and I CERTAINLY won't waste my time or money on ANY counseling so long as you're having an affair."
Let him know that you want to go to a pro-marriage counselor and work on your marriage, if and when he's ready to end his affair.
I agree, great advice. Don't go to that session tomorrow. Bring it back on your terms. However, don't file for divorce yet. Trust me. It is SOO painful. I will be praying for you.
Hi all, thank you for all your advice. Well when you dbing so hard and GAL time goes so quickly. In the past six months (wow 6 months!) I have moved into my own apartment, gone back to work and i am raising my little one year old on my own....AND it is going well. She has just started school twice a week and is loving it.
I truelly miss my h and wish he would come home but I can survive without him. I never knew I could get this far on my own. I don't think about the situation or the ow too much because if I did I would just go backwards.
I am not sure what to do about the D. He has not filed and neither have I. I was wondering if I should and then that would give me my final answer. Personally I think he will just sign the papers so he can live guilt free with his new soul mate... He is still treating me like a stranger and does not show any care or affection towards me. (That is the hardest part, 1 affair and he leaves to go to her and then treats me like a stranger) He comes twice a week to see our d but never more, not even when she is sick. He gives minimal finances, and never offers to pay the doctors bills. So at this point he is getting away with a lot.
i just went onto my facebook page and was looking at my friends and one of our mutual friends has plastered a picture of me as a stalker! I have done nothing of the kind I am dbing my but off to save my marraige (no contact etc, GAL and focussing on me...don't even know where h lives) and someone does this. how do i deal with this? I phoned my h and told him he must deal with this cos it is really hurtful as i have done nothing wrong and have been nothing but compassionate towards him. People can be such idiots!
okay dealt with the issue and it was sorted out, big misunderstanding and that is all ok. But i would love some advice from anyone out there. H has moved in with ow, they got a new place together when ow broke it off with her boyfriend! He could not even remember d's date of birth today, he had to double check it with me. He has removed himself so far away from our family I don't ever see him coming home.
