feeling better today (a little). Still very lazy. Looking for a used car because the old mini van has finally given up on me. Actually finding good deals on ebay. I love ebay. Mitch said he would help me with a down payment, but I'll believe it when I see it.
Looking forward to seeing karate man this weekend--not sure if he is keeper material yet--we shall see. There are some negatives...been married before---not once, not twice, not three times but, yes, wait for it...four times! Yikes. There are pretty good reasons for all the nuptials (I suppose) but still, kind of a red flag...sigh
Anyway, kids/family are super important to him and that does have something to do with all the marriages.
There are a lot of positives too, which I won't enumerate because I need to be alert to the negatives so I don't go donning my love goggles prematurely.
I'm going to make a good dinner for the kids tonight to make up for being such a butt-head yesterday and making popcorn and jelly beans for dinner. Sigh...
Don't be so hard on yourself. The kids probably thought it was great having popcorn and jelly beans for dinner!
I was thinking about the Mitch situation and how it is tough being a single parent - especially when the kid are attached to an absent parent. In my case, it will be easier - there is no absent parent to explain away.
I don't know if this works in personal R's... But at work, when I really need someone to do something I know they don't want to do, I have learned to tell person what I want them to do acting "as if" they will agree to do it - instead of inviting discussion. I find when I invite discussion they either ignore the email or come up with excuses to wiggle out - and I find myself on the defensive. I also keep it short so my message doesn't get lost.
For example, sending an email to Mitch saying, "Congratulations on the JH position. (setting a nice tone) We will need to adapt to this new development. (justification using we language - as in we are on the same team) Please make arrangements so that the kids can fly to Mass and spend on ___, ___, ___. (Driving it home short and sweet - in a manner that assumes agreement - shifting the burden onto him to disagree or confront) Please let me know if you have a problem with this otherwise I will work on scheduling ___, ___, ___. (Decision is made unless he disagrees). Add a few extra dates in addition to what you think is right, so that it looks like you are giving if he whines about not being available on those dates. If wants to change the dates - you have already made plans and are unavailable - no need to elaborate on what those plans are.
This is just an example of the tone. I know you have already discussed some of this with Mitch.
You are a great mother. Everyone needs down time. I am sure you are great even when you are tired. You are your own worst critic. Mitch is leveraging being able to count on you picking up the pieces when he drops them. This may be a way to create a situation where the kids see their father and you get a chance to recharge your batteries.
I don't like the bottom crusty. I don't know how to make it that way.
I think the pot is the most important ingredient of the paella.
I make my paella a little soupy, not watery.
I use saffron in mine and crush it and squeeze some lemon and lime in there. Let that sit for a minute. Then add it to the sofrito later.
Then i make sofrito,Make a sofrito: Sautee chopped onions, mushed fresh garlic, chopped tomatoes and bay leaf in olive oil, until onion is translucent. Add some oregano(well, I make the paella cuban-ish) maybe not the way it is supposed to be.
Then just follow the rest of the recipe regarding the rice, and i don't add pork to mine, tho some people do add chicken and pork.
I do mine only seafood, and whenever the recipe calls for water, I add beer instead.
As for Mitch, and you being pissed. Well I would be too. So feel it, go with it. It will roll off your back soon enough.
You are to wonderful to let it get to you.
I am sorry you are tired.
Just remember, you can't sell them and stuff, so just try to like them soon enuff, when you are ready. Love you.
Walked Hamilton Park , where we drove you and Auggie. It was a beautiful walk and the skyline looked lovely.
Jeny and I were thinking of you.
Last edited by Lissie; 03/16/0810:59 PM.
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
Althea: I'm feeling your pain. Every word of it resounded with me because I have felt it many many times. It is NOT fair. Not any of it. I still feel that way in my situation at times. I am doing the lion's share just like you. Well our a$$wipe exes play around. But it really is true that we will come out ahead. We will be better for it. I know that more often than not these days I KNOW I am better off without him. I see the same thing with my sister who raised her 3 without her ex moron around. The kids and her are better off.
I like that I make the decisions. I like that I can enjoy my kids without the distraction of the 4th kid (ex) around. I also like looking forward to my weekend dates with a man who frees me from all of it - who is there because he wants to woo me - not because we just happen to live under the same roof.
I am thinking of you and nodding my head to everything you wrote. And I also say "bravo to popcorn and jelly beans". Whatever. If you did it every day - not so good. Once in a blue moon - who cares? We always have Strawberry Shortcake for dinner once a year. Yep - all you can eat.
Your kids love you. Keep moving forward. It does get easier.
I so hear you on this one - but luckily for me, I get time off. BUT stbx also takes as little emotional responsibility as possible, and - like Mitch - puts himself first to the point that I don't think the kids' R with him is reason enough to change his ways.
The popcorn and jellybeans don't make you a bad mother; they make you a *gasp* human one. If you were an automaton, or if you had no access to your emotions, you would be able to be a "perfect" mother. Or rather, you would be able to do the tasks that a perfect mother would do, but you wouldn't be emotionally there for your children like you are. And really, what is more important? Your children are loved, they are usually well fed, they are well adjusted and happy. How could they be those things if you were not a good mother?
I do know how you feel, though, as I have been feeling the same way. But then two nights ago, my D gave me a card that she made telling me how much she loves me and what a good mum I am! Their perception is not the same as ours.
BTW, I like AG's suggestions for communicating with your X-ical H.
Love you, Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
One day M's brain will grow beyond the capacity of his skull to contain it, and his head will explode. No one will remember care who originated his work. His kids won't be there to feed him pudding or wipe the drool from his chin. Neither will LeatherPants.
He will one day want to share their life again when he is no longer the darling of academia. They won't give him the time of day, an adverb, or an adjective. He will wish he had not wasted his life writing so many of them.
You keep filling their life full of magic jelly beans, beautiful art, and the wonders of the sea. That is what they will remember and they will be so blessed to be able to pass that wonder on to their own kids.
I knew somethign was amiss! I forgot to feed d5!!! arghhh! last thing we ate was coldstone ice cream and...oh, that's why we were both too full to remember ice cream... :P
Went out with an old friend today who reminded me to count my blessings. She is 28, a single mother of one boy, her H left her when she was prego, after one yr married her, then left again before the boy was two. He's dissapeared from the face of the earth, no calls visits..nor child support. The poor little boy is a hellion, kept fighing my d5 and trying to make her cry. I feel sorry for her, she truly does it all by herself and having a hard time bringing up the little one.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I tell my kids I am going to bury them in the backyard and when they are sassy I say I am going to pull their tongues out and wrap them to the bumper and drag them behind my car and that I am going to rip their faces on and give them to people in need.
They laugh at me
and they add to the horrible tortures I am planning...because my tortures go on and on and on and we keep addingthings until they hear stuff like I am going to bury themin the back yard and then mulch over themand plant popcorn and when the pocorn cones up I am going to pick it and cover their popcorned bodys with butter and garlic salt and eat them watchingmy favorite movies!!!!
they laugh
it's now our family joke
none of this is bad mothering (right?????? gasp)
it's just parenting.....
their dad hasn't had any contact with them since they were one and 2 and has just recently started paying childsupport (whoopeeeeee...$300 a month)
Love you.