You sound really good. It's hard! It is so damn hard. Most days I am where you are. The past few days have not been great. Just when I think I am in a really good place H does something that effects me. The hardest part for me is I have so many questions. I want to know how in the world could someone who professed to be my best friend and love me do this? When did it start? Why didn't you tell me in the begining? Who would want to be with someone who would leave their wife and kids? I could go on and on with the questions. Then I get caught up in how do you get to leave the wreckage and carnage behind and go on and live your life while I have to pick up the peices? How about the explanations I have to make up for S? Why can't I tell him the truth? Why do I have to protect you when did not give a good GODDA-N about us? Then I start thinking about all the rotten stuff he did over the years. I think about the A and the lies and the computer sex and how he cheated on me when we were dating (though I only found out after we were married). Then I think that H probably was never the guy I wanted or needed him to be. As my mom says we only see what we want to see and I am guilty of it. I feel sad, but then I realize that deep down people are who they are and they never really change. I know that my H loves me, but I do think that the love he feels for me is probably about as much love as he could feel for another human being. He is selfish to the core and that is just who he is. People don't change and I believe the way he was with me is the way he will be with the next one. I deserve so much better and I have to keep reminding myself of that when I start to feel down.
Okay sorry to hijack your thread. I just needed to get that out. You will be OK. You are approaching the future with the right attitude and as long as you keep it up you will make it. I am also excited about the possibility of dating. I think I would have felt even better 8 years ago, pre baby and about 50lbs lighter, but hey I am going to get out there and try to do it. I am going to join e-harmony. I had a few friends try with marginal success, so I am going to shell out the dough to do it. I will keep you posted.
Personally, I always felt like this board should have a section for those who have moved on and want to start dating. I figure hey, once we have accepted our marriages our over at least this is a good starting place. We all share similar values and beliefs and we understand eachothers situations.
