New and Alone 2

[mgmellors]

Jen,

I am happy for you that he touched your arm. We don't realize how much we missed that touch of a loved one, no matter how short or small. It's like your first kiss, you get butterflies and you remember it fondly.
Stick in there, It wll work out, men can be very strange some times. I can really realize that myself now that I have been doing a lot of reflecting. When we come to our senses, we see what we have, then we never want to let go again. H will come around, have faith.

Michael

[JenInVen]

Thanks Michael. I hope he does come around and sooner than later

Jen

[addie]

Ok I have a complete new stratgy for my M. I'll be going dark as of midnight (EST ) I can't deal with the way we get on and the fact that I'm usually the one initiating contact.

Jen, this may be good but your H has responded to what you've been doing and has noticed the changes in you. If what you are doing is working, then keep doing it and monitor results.
I become very impatient when I start to notice some positive signs and want to move things along quicker. When H doesn't respond the way I expect, I usually backslide and it has the opposite effect.
Maybe just try not initiating contact but don't go completely dark.

[JenInVen]

Addie, thanks for your support. I won't initiate contact with H but I will be 75% available to him if he contacts me.

He told me yesterday that he doesn't know what it means to miss me because we've always been together. (joined at the hip he calls it) So I figure I'll stay out of his way and let him see what it's like for me not to be around.

Today H went to the club with D and I went to a movie (by myself ) But it wasn't all bad. Just got a text from him saying he's having a good time but only because he's with D.

[stella_k]

Jen, even though at the moment I doubt everything I have done, go dark included, I still think one should give WAS a chance to start missing LBS.
esp if he "doesn't know what it means to miss you".

[JenInVen]

"one should give WAS a chance to start missing LBS"

You and I are on the same page.

[addie]

I did this for a week, last week - went completely dark, no contact. I did this more for my own sake after a major backslide where I was very angry at H. I knew I had to detach for my own emotional well being. H tried to contact me a couple of times and I didn't respond. I don't know if it improved the sitch but H has been "different" (in a good way) the last couple of days. Maybe it made him start to really think.

[JenInVen]

It's very hard not to pick up the phone and call. Yesterday I didn't call him and it went well. Now today I hope I can keep up the good work.

H wants me to let go so thats what I'm doing. I find its a slow process but I know I can do it.

Jen

[addie]

Don't call H. Give him his space - that is what he wants right now. Let him start to miss you. It's very difficult to do - try to focus on other things so you don't get the urge to call.

[JenInVen]

He was here working for about 3 hours and just let. One of my biggest problems is that I can't stop talking to him. Not about R or M but general talking. I need to focus on leaving where he is or getting out of the apartment when he "drops by".