The Last Cut Is The Deepest

[job]

Hope,
I read your posting yesterday and wanted to think about what my response would be before I wrote to you. First, I am very, very sorry he's still not there. Second, he's not whole/healed and until he is, he's going to continue searching for something he can't define until it hits him right between the eyes. He's going to make excuses for everything and you do not need to be hearing his explanations of why things turned out the way they did.

Here's what I would do....I would tm him and advise him that he will need to come pick up puppy, not half way, but all of the way to your place. He brought the dog to you to take care of, therefore, he needs to return to pick the pup up. He doesn't want to come to your place because he feels bad enough for what he's done and continues to do to you. Time for him to grow up, face his consequences. It's time to pull out the tough love on this one. Do not inconvenience yourself for this man...you've done more than 100%+ to be there for him. It's time to take care of you.

Once he's picked up puppy, go completely dark. That means, no cards, letters, phone calls, emails or tms. He wants to explore life w/his internet hoochie, then let him. But the bottom line is this, you had the best years of his life w/him and any woman that hooks up w/him now has the leftovers. He needs to feel the loss completely and the only way to do that is cut the ties completely. This doesn't mean that you have to slam the door shut, but it does mean that you will need to turn all of the focus on to you now and start venturing forth even more into a new life without him.

Hope, you've been at this a very long time and I know you love this man, but the best gift you can give him now is to set him free totally. In many cases, they think that the divorce decree will set them free, but it doesn't. I suspect your h will be one of those that is never free until he faces the consequences of his actions and accepts that his demons are his battle and you weren't part of that particular scenario. I know you don't want a divorce, but I would not help him w/it any more than I had to. Let him do the work for the divorce.

I do hope and pray that you can find peace and comfort in knowing that you did everything possible to turn your situation around. I only wish you the very best and hope that the future will be better for you.