I was always loving when it was needed but gave it straight when it was needed too. There is loving and there is not letting someone make you feel small and insignificant. I have learnt (and I do it even now we are reconciled and v happy)to speak out if I am spoken to sharply or in a manner which is unkind or hurtful. (my H has PTSD so is prone to snapping) It is like removing yourself if a child is screaming or having a tantrum. Always in my mind was the thought that when this was all over (and I thought we were divorcing) I would have my pride intact and would have behaved in a way I would be proud to look back on. Obviously it didn't work all the time. lol As long as you are not rude or shout back I don't see how it can be taken as "unloving". Standing up for yourself is not being unloving. If you are ever reconciled the ground rules you lay now will be the foundations of your new life together.
