Quoting rjd: So you bought her a jeep huh? That's a big move. I'm sure she'll appreciate it..who wouldn't. Just make sure she doesn't think it's being used as a tool to hold her close. Hopefully she can see that you're doing it for the right reasons.
Actually, I hoping its a 180 to break a preception of me being controlling. In this case, that I would only allow her to drive a car I would approve of. Last car was a full size station wagon as there were five of us in the household at the time and I thought we were in agreement in not wanting a mini-van. The car before that was a four door sedan she picked out, but over the years that too became distorted as me wanting the sedan. I'm hoping her memory retains who picked a yellow Jeep Wrangler.
Quoting jethro: Are you suggesting that she never called him and such...that it's just a fantasy she's playing out in her mind/journal?
That's not what I was implying, but a strange thing just happen tonight that has me really confused on this topic. Since my W is in a bad mood again tonight, I decided to deliver a desk my D17 has been asking about. I had mention how W said she saw OM there. D17 replied how she didn't think he was because she overheard his son, (also graduating and sitting in the row in front of her), saying that his father was not there. She also mentioned to D17 back in March how she was hoping to see him at the graduation ceremony. D17 told me how this disturbed her and why she doesn't talk to her mother as much lately. So now, I don't know what to make of any of this? I'm wondering if she is trying to goad me into a discussion about OM in order to manipulate the outcome to move forward in a direction of her desire? or is it like Zebra said and she is just testing me to see how I would react? Is this real or make believe? This is becoming too surreal for me, that I'm going to need to stay away from it and just focus on doing my thing and hope for the best.
Quoting jethro: Is your W still carrying around a load of junk from her childhood (hence her depression)? Is her family undependable?
Without taking up a lot of space here, I will just say her R with her parents and siblings has been strained for years, culminating last year when she seeked finacial help from them to get her own place. She told them that we mutually decided it was for the best for us to seperate, so they agreed to help her. In a conversation with her folks a couple days later, when I spoke with them, I told them that I was not in favor of a seperation and hoped we could still work out our differences without it coming to that. After that, they changed their minds about giving her money. Ever since, W and her parents rarely talk. I know she feels betrayed by them and has no desire to work things out with them. She now refers to herself as seen as the bad seed in her family. One more area of her life she feels inadequate.
Quoting Zebra: ... you can only give her reason to not seek him out ... Be her champion, her rock. Show her that you can and will come through for her. This make a comfort zone that makes the unknown of leaving even scarier to her.
Z, I've been striving for this for over a year now and she has come to recognize I'm willing to move heaven and earth for her (her words from her journal) and yet she still yearns for him. I don't know what more I can do at this point?
Quoting Sue: Do you ever wonder wht we did before all this??? I know I took alot for granted...am able to see things so much clearer and with so much appreciation.
Same here, Sue ... same here ...
Well, for now, I'll be plugging ahead towards having a fun weekend (hopefulling my W will want to join in) ... Here's to all having a grand 4th!!
