I've just read a bunch of things, I've been on the road for the past 2 weeks.
I notice that you, like me, are obsessed with OM. Her contact, her thoughts, his actions.
Leave it alone. Stop snooping (you know this). This is her nightmare, her obsession, her pondering. Leave it alone. You cannot effect her thoughts, feelings, emotions about OM, you can only give her reason to not seek him out. As you obsess, you create an aura of negativity that makes you unattractive. Snooping stokes this aura.
Good for you for supporting her in her vehicle choices and pursuit. This is kind of neutral ground... "real life" issue, and something that helps all move forward. Be her champion, her rock. Show her that you can and will come through for her. This make a comfort zone that makes the unknown of leaving even scarier to her.
If your W is like mine, then I believe that she told you about her encounter with OM because she felt it was "Safe" to do so. She's in turmoil, and if you allow her to share that turmoil with you, you make it "safe" for her to share her darkest challenges with you, then you are in a good place. Consider that maybe the reason she told you about her encounter with OM was because she was testing you to see if you could be trusted with an emotionally challenging situation she had encountered, and she shared this with just about the only person she could. Consider that to have had an affair in total secret is a tremendous burden, and it is often commited in such exclusive secrecy that there is noone with whom to share the pain of reaquaintance.... So, she shared it with her closest friend. You. She is showing trust, that she can trust you with her deepest pain and turmoil. Your job is to not take this encounter personally, and support your W in her coming clean with you, in her reaching out to her closest "friend", "confidant", whatever. It's you. Be there for her, and notice that it was you she shared this with, and it's you that she is still with. That's the point.
I went to Barnes and Noble on the 21st to get the HP book, and then walked over to Walmart and got it quicker. Hope you've gotten it by now. D9 has already finished it by herself! Guess it's my turn now!
