No words of wisdom that haven't already been expressed. You need to make decisions that are in line with what your goals are and what you desire for your and D's life.
Quote: I just hope I can find the confidence you have found in knowing I'm doing the right thing ... what ever that may turn out to be?
you will know what the right thing to do is when the time comes to do it.
you offer such wise and insightful advice to so many of us here that it is often difficult to offer it back to you.
all I can advise you to do for now is to get back to you..that doesn't mean retreat from w or shut her out..it simply means putting yourself and your needs first for a while (if not indefinately, after all what can we offer others if we offer nothing for ourselves) make sure that you are happy and aren't compromising your happiness simply to keep the peace...cause certainly that won't be peacful for you!
w needs to "see the light" in her own time in her own way...confronting her with the knowledge you have about what she's been up too and or thinking...may be what she wants but it certainly will not help you or her in the long run...deciding what to do about what you know inside yourself is a whole other story though and that I have no advice on at this time other than to make yourself happy and pamper yourself for a change.
Sometimes, life is discovering some boundaries, and in the process, discovering ourselves. When we pass the city limit sign that says, "Welcome to (insert your name) Population 1" is a joyful time, because we can get to know ourselves. And, how we can invite others, especially significant others, to come visit, and stay awhile.
Take some time to heal, and get in touch with yourself. Love isn't easy, but it sure makes us grow...and sometimes, the biggest growth we find is what is taking place inside our own lives.
Wishing you all the best. And have a great weekend. Do Right
Basically, she is gone into a WAW mindset. Not only is she pushing away, but over the weekend she started being less nice in her mannerisms. Making comments that she wants more privacy and to be left alone.
I've trying to give her space, like Sunday, we were at the local mall searching for the new Harry Potter book and a couple of other items and they were sold out. I suggested going to a bigger mall in the next town over about 45 minutes away. W replies she hates going there. D9 says she wants to go. W snaps back she wants to go home. So I suggest we take W home, then D9 and I can go to mall. W resigns, "I guess I'm outnumbered, so I'll go." I emphasize that she didn't have to go, we would take her home. She answered "But I don't want to be home all alone." So I dropped it and she went. Has a fairly decent afternoon considering Didn't find a single copy of the HP book tho.). Then thru out the evening, she became more withdrawn. Tonight, it was an effort for her to have a conversion about her day. Left to do some errands by herself and when she got home, she started some playful banter with D9. After a bit, I entered the room. W brought up she saw a jeep with a dealership in Ellenville and wanted to know where that was. I looked it up on the map. As long as D9 was in room, W was OK. When D9 left to watch some TV, W started withdrawing immediately. So I soon left to herself and here I show up!
I'm troubled by her progression towards pushing away to the point of no longer wanting to be in my presence, but at the same time expects us to move forward in buying a new Jeep for her to drive. She knows it will have to be financed in my name in order to get approved credit for it. I'm getting more uncomfortable with this.
KAW - so sorry to read that W is withdrawing again.
Given what has happened with her the past couple of weeks, her withdrawing could easily have to do with regret and remorse over her activities with OM.
Sorry that you couldn't find a copy of the new HP book. We preordered ours through Amazon a few months ago (as a present to S4 from MIL) and it came in the mail on Saturday. D8 really wants to get her hands on it and read but W wants S to have the pleasure of "reading" the other four books first - meaning me reading to him.
As far as the new Jeep is concerned - I would be worried about that as well. At the beginning of the year, W bought a new car (2003 Camry) but put the car in her name along with the financing. As long as she is still looking, maybe things will turn around a bit by the time your W is ready to say "OK - let's buy this."
Not really much advice to go on - but just wanted to let you know that we're reading and that we care about what happens to you, W and your kids.
KAW...sorry the ride is getting bumpier...I know your w really wants the jeep...but that is a burden for you...can you get it jointly, or would it only be your name? I sure can't figure your w out..wish I had something worth suggesting at least, but I am a loss as to what she is seeking.
Quoting ANewBob: Given what has happened with her the past couple of weeks, her withdrawing could easily have to do with regret and remorse over her activities with OM.
Don't have time to go into detail now, but I don't think so...
Hi Sue. Last year, W aquired some credit cards while preparing to move out. She had ran them up and mismananged them, so now she paying pentalies and even had a couple of them cancelled on her. So her credit is mud right now.
Quoting hoping: I sure can't figure your w out..wish I had something worth suggesting at least, but I am a loss as to what she is seeking.
So is she! Its just she believes that if she stays in M she is compromising herself, because she feels there is something better out there somewhere for her.
Unfortunately there are times when you can't do anything but detatch. It seems your at the point where there isn't much that you can say or do with your W that is going to result in any postiive interaction.
If that's the case maybe it's time to really give her the space she wants. Focus on yourself for a while. Replenish your tank..you've been emotionally draining yourself through this process, which is natural to do. Find some things you like to do, that are fun for you and just do them. Do things with your kids that don't include your W. Take some extra burden in that regard while she sorts things out.
A dream it's true
But I'd see it through
If I could be
Wasting my time with you
-Band:Phish Song:Waste
Quote: So is she! Its just she believes that if she stays in M she is compromising herself, because she feels there is something better out there somewhere for her.
I would imagine it's normal to feel that way when an a hasn't fully run it's course..or until the m get's on course...when my h first started his "return" he did say one thing that still pisses me off when I think about it...it relates to the statement you make here...
his words (though he doesn't remember them now) " I have to put my needs aside"
ugh!! to me that said...I need and want to be with ow, she after all is better at metting my needs than you and the kids...but I have to do the right thing and come back home to you and them.
whatever...
it's not an easy road KAW....but what I've found to work...is that when ya stop focussing on them and just make yourself happy and do things for you and your children then they will have to either join in (willingly because they want to) or leave. either way you have to be ok with it.
so KAW what are you going to do for YOU this week???
