Andy, jethro, Bridget & Sue ... thanks for dropping by.
Sorry for not posting much ... I'm feeling a little stressed out both at work and at home, so I tend to go into lurk mode then.
W is vacillating wildly! The upswing didn't last long. Wednesday, I came home to the annoucement of "I'm bitchy today, so leave me along." So I did. D9 was cranky too, so she went to bed early. I'm still without my truck and its still raining ... will it ever stop? So I just chilled alone for the night and didn't say anything to nobody, altho I did mention someone at work did mention there is an air show this weekend including the Blue Angels. W replied, "I have no interest in doing anything." I went to read the newspaper.
Thursday morning ... W woke up still quiet and distant, so I didn't say anything and got ready for work. She called me at work mid-mornin'. "Are you OK?" Surprised by this I said, "Yes, why?" "You seemed down this morning, so I wanted to know if you're OK." I re-affirmed that I'm fine and we went on to discuss all we had to get done this evening. Not having the truck is starting to be a major inconvience, but we were suppose to pick it up last night. I figured out an arrangement and told her I would pick her up for dinner. Had to keep adapting and changing the plan as nothing was going smoothly, but W was rolling with the punches and didn't let it ruin her decent mood. Truck developed another problem so we could pick it up last night. So on the way home we saw some Jeeps at a dealership and stop to look. W ended up hurting self getting out of the car, but tried to laugh it off. All the Jeeps were manual and she wants automatic. When we got home, she made the comment that all she wanted was for us to get naked and go to bed! Of course with D9 still up and I had to get my lunch made for work tomorrow, we couldn't quite do that. Then she mentioned the air show and how D9 was interested in going, so maybe "we" will go.
I will be leaving work early today, so we can pick up the truck, then have dinner, then we are attending an award ceremony at the high school which will include D17. (Altho we don't know what award she is receiving!?)
So trying to stay out of her drama at this point ... trying to get thru this stressful time ... needs to find some R&R.
Keeping my fingers crosses this will turn out to be a good weekend...
Keeping my fingers crosses this will turn out to be a good weekend...
don't rely on your fingers KAW rely on yourself...if you and dd are interested in the air show...then go right ahead and go..if w wants to join she will, if she chooses to wallow alone let it be her choice.
the confusion of it all is overwhelming at times...seems like dawn is breaking but the sun keeps getting lost behind some damn clouds. learn to make you happy independantly of what w chooses to do...MAKE good weekends for you don't wait for it to happen.
good things are comming for you KAW...just need some more of that patience crap!!
KAW - I agree with LL. Go out and enjoy the air show with D9. If W decides to come, so much the better!
LL is also right in that you are solely responsible for your happiness. Make this a wonderful weekend and I hope that you have a great Father's Day on Sunday.
Go and find some thing that you enjoy doing this weekend and try and lay low on the radar. Seems as though W is having some major issues I think if you keep out of the cross hairs things will be better. So go to the dang air show and have some fun .
Hey KAW...just checking in on you to see how things are going... It seems things had reached kind of a climactic point, but has now tapered off a bit???
LL, Bob & Lee, thanks for the words of wisdom... and that is just what they were!
After making breakfast Sunday morning, W started not to feel good and before long curled up in bed. Then she said don't let me ruin your day, take D9 and go out. So I did. So D9 and I got in the truck and we went to a park with a playground across the street from the railroad tracks. While there we saw three trains go by. Then we went to the airshow. So Planes, trains & trucks.
About 2:30pm, I called W to see how she was doing. She said she was feeling a bit better and thought it was the OJ she drank at breakfast. I suggest we come home and pick her up and we could look at some new Jeeps. She went for it. Found a dealership that has an automatic and she took it for a test drive, but it wasn't red. Chances are we'll have to order one, so we got a brochure so she can go over the various options. We had dinner out, went to a dairy bar for icecream and some miniture golf. Then went home and called D17, who then came over to visit. Little after nine, W had a panic attack. I settled her down, but D17 said she had to go. W felt bad. D17 said she was suppose to meet someone a nine and was already late. While I was saying goodbye to D17, W went to bed and was stricken with another attack, so I joined her. She started apoligizing for ruining my day. I rebuted that my day wasn't ruined at all. That I got to spend the day with my family and that is all I needed to make me happy, so I had a great day and I meant it.
Quoting jethro: It seems things had reached kind of a climactic point, but has now tapered off a bit???
Wow jethro, you seem to have the "gift"! Any chance you could tell me how this turns out?
It started Friday and even tho there were some rough patches there were some noticable improvements by the end of the weekend. However, I was hesitant to post anything yesterday, because I just didn't want to get my hopes up again only to come home yesterday and find out it was just a Father's Day thing, but last night she was initating hugs and kisses and ... .
I have stayed away from her journal since Thursday, which by the way, she wrote that she was going to say goodbye to him, but when she talk to him that day, she couldn't bring herself to do it. She went on to say she wanted a "heart to heart" talk with him to try to convince him how serious she feels about him and find out if he is then willing to act upon it.
So while W has been more affectionate over the weekend and last night, I am having a hard time believe its real and feel the bottom can fall out at any time. It will take some time before we can get beyond this stage.
HI..glad you had a great fathers day with your dd..but I sure don't get your w!!! She wanted to get naked with you one minute..then she is in a mood..I don't know how you do it.You have got an inner strength and compassion that not many would have. Your w doesn't know how fortunate she is.
Hey Sue, Yea, it scares her, but in the context that she believes its still not enough for her. She feels she is still missing out on something even more important. Frankly, I think I've now given all I can and have nothing else to give and am waning.
I discovered this morning, she was with OM on Monday afternoon, am pretty sure it was physical too, along with the written desire to arrange to spen more time with him over the summer. So what was all the interaction with me about? and she kept wanting to give me hugs and holding my hand last night. I'm really taken aback with this last bit of information. I don't know if I can deal with knowing she had both of us on the same day!
I'm really at a loss as to where to go from here. Up to now, I've basically taken Zebra's approach of "its none of my business."
Actually, I started that approach before even knowing about DB last year and was in despair from the bomb of both A & D in the same night. I now believe I made a terrible mistake! I told her I didn't want to lose her and that I was willing to share her if that is what it would take to keep her, however, I didn't want to know anything about it. Now I feel those words are coming back to haunt me!!!
While successful as far as dealing with W directly as far as acting "as-if" nothing is happening, I can't seem to let go enough to stop from snooping and wondering if I'm really being a fool here. I'm feeling less and less like this is going to work.
DB, thanks for the kind words, but I feel it doesn't compare to what you are going thru this week. I don't know if I have the strength to face with the kind of composure you have, the imminent departure annouced by your W this week. I sure wish I did!! I wish I had the nerve to show her the door right now! I don't think it would take that long for her to realize it was all a big mistake, but would she come back because she will end up with less otherwise or would she come back because she loves me? I don't think I could accept her back if the answer is the former and with that part of the question always looming in the back of my mind, I don't believe I would ever trust it would be the the latter. That's why up to now, I have taken the stance, she needs to make her choice before considering leaving the M, because I don't think I could accept why she would come back as being good enough to want to continue living with this woman.
I want off this ride, afterall I didn't ask to be on it this time!
The upswing didn't last long. Wednesday, I came home to the annoucement of "I'm bitchy today, so leave me along." So I did. D9 was cranky too, so she went to bed early. I'm still without my truck and its still raining ... will it ever stop? So I just chilled alone for the night and didn't say anything to nobody, altho I did mention someone at work did mention there is an air show this weekend including the Blue Angels. W replied, "I have no interest in doing anything." I went to read the newspaper.
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So what was all the interaction with me about? 
I wish I had the nerve to show her the door right now! I don't think it would take that long for her to realize it was all a big mistake, but would she come back because she will end up with less otherwise or would she come back because she loves me? I don't think I could accept her back if the answer is the former and with that part of the question always looming in the back of my mind, I don't believe I would ever trust it would be the the latter. That's why up to now, I have taken the stance, she needs to make her choice before considering leaving the M, because I don't think I could accept why she would come back as being good enough to want to continue living with this woman.