did w have such "attacks" prior to the start of this whole sit??
I would suggest you stop reading her journal as it is not productive for you...you are aware of her confussion and reading her "thoughts" is only serving to confuse you...understand that she needs to work through the mess that she created...she needs to realize that god is not punnishing her she is punnishing herself.
take care of yourself and your children...be there for w if she needs you but otherwise live for you...
I think you need a break...a day off...some good ole fashion KAW time.
