Bridget & Sue ... Thanks for the boost me up posts.
Z, I know this sounds close to home and my approach to DBing my sitch is similar to how you were handing yours, particularly when OM was involved. So that's why I was kinda of hoping you might be able to see maybe where I'm missing the ball here, not in the context of open communcation specifically as now the R has crumbled past that point again.
Quoting jethro: W finds great comfort in you. Go figure... Anyway, I believe there is strength in this comfort. I'm just hoping your W will tap into it before it's too late.
I, too, have been counting on her seeking my comfort as an asset, but unfortunate she sees it as a liability. She sees it as being too dependant on me. More on this later.
Quoting blebop: My question to you is, what is it that you see she thinks is better out there? My next thought would be does she know what that is or she flying blind?
bb, without going over again what her journal entries from the last couple of weeks (the details to your questions are there), she doesn't accept what is has now in her life is good enough for her to be happy. She wants the feelings she has was when being with OM all the time. It like being on a high and she doesn't want to come down. She's hooked. Its almost like an addiction...
... and this weekend, it seems to taken its toll and she came crashing down, culminating in a three hour convulsive panic attack on Sunday night that only took until this morning for her to recover from. One of the reasons it got so bad, was because she wanted to try to work thru it on her own vs. seeking my comfort. Over the weekend, she was making it clear she no longer wanted me to do anything for her. Well, she couldn't get thru it on her own, so woke me up.
I did console her. After all, she had already came to the conclusion she needed my help. What good would it do for me to try to add to the injury?
On a sidebar, I did find something else that seems to work towards settling her down quicker. I stroked her hair. She always told me she hated other people's hands in her hair, but that night she seem to find comfort in it stopped shaking shortly after and gave me no hint she wanted me to stop.
She really was in no shape to go to work, but she insisted. I drove her in (we are still down to one car with the truck still in the shop). As soon as I got to work, I checked in on her. She was struggle but determined to make it thru the day. I told her to call me if she needed me for anything.
At noon, she called. Please pick me up a 2:00 o'clock. I don't want to be home alone. I picked her up. She was still visibly shaking some. We went home. She said all she wanted to do was get in bed with me and cuddle. She did a lot of hugs and holding on and small kisses, but you could see the torment in her eyes. She got hungry for dinner. D9 was still at a friends house, so W suggested some scrabbled eggs. I offer to make them for her. While I cooked her eggs and an omlet for me, she started writing in her journal ... then she came out in the kitchen and gave me a long embracing hug. The evening follow the same lines. She had a hard time falling asleep, so she laid on her stomach and I rubbed her back until she went to sleep. After watching a little TV, I went to sleep staying on my side of the bed.
This morning I woke up with her cuddling up behind me. That suprised me. Such a turn about.
Now for the bad part. Yea I know you guys are gonna stipped me of my title of "Master" because I keep doing this, but I looked to she what she wrote in her journal again. I just keep away. Basically, she's wonding if God is punishing her, but in the next paragraph, she wrote that hates being dependant on me and needs to get better physcally and mentally in order to then be able to be on her own. So despite all the affection yesterday, she still has thoughts of leaving.
Talk about vacillations!! Jethro, it seems I may need to borrow your thread title for some time to come...
