Sorry to hear of your troubles, hope these two ideas help.
1. Try meditating. I'be been reading the book "The Three Minute Meditator" by David Harp, and have found it to be very helpfull. I've also been having problems w/ mental images, and this book deals directly w/ that problem. I've also found myself sleeping much better as a result of my meditating, and that in itself has helped me keep a positive attitude.
2. And this is the tough one, try to feel sorry for her. I know it sounds foolish, but....... There's something special enough about your husband that you want to work to keep your marriage. Now imagine that you've found this special person (even if under non-traditional circumstances) only to have him leave you (even if it's to return to his wife). You've got him back, and she's out in the cold with out him. These thoughts help me make the good times better between my wife and I, but haven't helped much when I slip back into the doubting and questioning moods.
As for you worrying about how she looks or comparing yourself, don't do it. Despite rumors, men do not only fixate on the physical. While my wife was in the midst of her A, I thought it was the physical contact w/ her that I missed so much. While it's true that I did miss that, I've found it's the intamacy (non physical) and closeness that I've been the happiest to get back, if only in small doses. The attraction I have for my wife is because of who she is, not how she looks. Keep working to make yourself happy about yourself, this will build your self confidence and that is more attractive than a "perfect" body by far!
Hope some of this helps. And please post if you find any other ideas that help you, I think these are problems we all deal w/ at some point or another.
