Oh, KAW, I feel for you. I know how much this hurts. It feels awful, but it's good when you can make sense of odd behavior, isn't it?
Let's take this apart a bit, shall we?
You know, I too have resorted to reading my H's private writings (email) to confirm the O-chick was back on the scene. Once I knew what was up with that, I didn't have to pry anymore. "Aha, so that's it!"
It's a low thing to do and I feel bad about it -- human, tempted, upset and relieved too.
Now you know.
But what do you know? That she still has feelings for the jerk. That he dumped her. She's pining. It's drama.
Drama plain and simple. Nothing more. And drama will pass. You gotta wait it out.
I know how hard it is not to get caught up in it.
My H wrote similar things -- called me "the Mighty Bridget" while his chick couldn't read and chew gum at the same time -- still he pined for her. It's human nature to long for something just out of reach.
But pining fades away.
It fades FASTER if you get a daily dose of your dreamboat and find out they fart and fail, just like the rest of us.
I wish it were easier to put aside MY FEELINGS (longing for H to come to his senses) and speed up the process by shoving him toward the silly twit, knowing the predictable outcome is she's just toying with His Baldness and he's gonna tire of beer-busts-till-you-puke.
You could tell your W to pack up and take a hike.
I guarantee it would get results. Of course, you're way too nice for that.
But heck, why not imagine the scenario? "Honey, I want you to be happy. I love you but I can see you're miserable here, and I understand. You would be happier alone. So here are the apartment listings. I'll be happy to help with the first month's rent."
Smile.
God, I wish it was possible to really do this. Shake them up while gliding happily along.
Well, back to my lecture -- here's the crux -- her feelings are JUST FEELINGS.
Feelings are NOT THE TRUTH, KAW. Feelings fluctuate. You cannot base anything on her feelings. Repeat that. You cannot base a foundation on sand.
(Repeating to myself, too.)
So detach. Do not obsess. Yep, our WAS wanted other people. They've been petty and cheap toward us. Mine cut roses from our anniversary tree to give that ungrateful coed. Ouch. It's not fair. We don't deserve this. But that's what we got, and we even kinda understand. It's sad, but it's liveable. Love is strong stuff.
Love is not what you do when the sun shines. Love is what you do when it gets dark.
Sez my C. Who is proud of me for demonstrating unconditional love while my H behaves like a punk.
I want to stop rambling now, taking up so much space here. Just want you to know we all feel for you and are here for you through the whole ride.
I'm here for ya. Singing the blues with youse.
Will keep checking in on you. And he, sing the blues, but also go out dancing. Make that woman wonder where YOU are!
