Wow ... seek and you shall receive. Thanks for all the support. Lee & rjd, thanks for dropping by and for the comments. Due to time restrictions, I haven't been over to Newcomers too much recently, but will have to swing by soon.
Floyd, yea she kinda of fooled me into believing she was beyond confusion about the R ... so I thought I could start asking for what I wanted ... hence, setting up expectations that led to my scorecard mentality. Eventho I knew it was wrong, I let my expectations get the better of me. She obliged to my requests, but that exactly was the problem ... she viewed them as obligations which began to burden her, so she started looking outwards again to escape the burden.
Quoting jetro: KAW, I pulled out these quotes because they tell me your W remains in this bout of depression. Maybe this is the source of all of the difficulties lately? She just seems so sad and unmotivated. How is she doing with her meds? I know that you made some mention that you wouldn't remind her anymore to take them or pick them up at the store, but... Also, it's interesting that only just a few weeks ago, you had a nice talk with your W and she seemed to be trying a little harder on your R. Then, all of a sudden, she's done an about-face. What's that all about? Depression? Counseling?
She's been pretty good about taking her usual meds, but hasn't accepted the new meds. She tried the Wellbutrin for a couple of days, then stopped because she didn't like the way she felt. I suggested a couple of variants to time of day to take it in order to try to minimize side effects, but just refuses to take it anymore. In fact, she back to not wanting to see any doctors or having blood work done. I think her recent bout of depression is a symptom of yet a deeper source of her difficulties. I think this is why she wanted to go to C. See went a couple of times, then stopped. I asked about this last weekend. She brought it up as part of not wanting to see anyone any more because they can't help. From past session, I interpret this as they didn't agree with her conclusions, so she doesn't want to see them anymore.
I'm convinced the source of her current troubles is purely guilt-ridden. As to whether the source of her guilt is from the past year, her feelings for OM, the burden of obligations to felt make M work or perhaps recent actions based any of the above, I don't have time to get into right now nor do I feel I'm ready to express my conjecture at this time, but I didn't want to press last weekend jethro because I got the sense, that in the frame of mind she was in, if it came out, she would have felt she could resigned from trying any further to stay in R. More for self preservantion, I wasn't going to give her that option. If I don't give the option to cave-in now, maybe she still might find the desire to fight for us once again.
Quoting jethro: You know, whatever it may happen to be about, you'll have to deal with it sooner or later. Wouldn't you rather address it now before things can potentially get worse?
So bringing it out in the open now, when she is overwelmed with guilt and looking at the world and her life with very dark colored glasses, is it really the appropriate time?
Actually, if I'm right about what I believe has transpired, then I wonder if I can ever bring it up? ... but that is a topic for later discussion... sorry Big-j, not sure if I can even discuss it on this forum, but I like to have you know I am getting some comfort from what you shared that your W has gone thru in the aftermath of her A ... the stress, the guilt ... I believe my W is going thru it now ...
Quoting Andy: Maybe that's why she's confused about appreciating your caring nature. It conflicts with something else that she wants.
Its because it conflicts with what she feels she is deserving of. This she did practacally say when she asked during our cryptic talk ... "How can you possibly be with me now?" ... "Why are you so good to me?"
Quoting Andy: Maybe you’re trying too hard, KAW. D’ya think there’s any way you can just go out and do something with her on an adult-to-adult basis? Maybe a date?
I've been trying, just to try to "shake" her out her funk even just for a little while. On the 16th, a comedian we both like was performing at a local club. I'd ask if she wanted to go, she replied, "I don't want to do that anymore." I said I wanted to do something special over the holiday weekend, she said she wanted to do absolutely nothing. I'd mentioned seeing Jim Carrey's (sp?) new movie for laughs. She gave me a raspberry. I may end up taking D9 and see if W decides to tag along.
Some big strides (at least to me, if I'm interpretting them correctly) were made last night! When I got home, my W turned into a chatter box! Everything about her day, how she was feeling at the moment (including a comment that maybe what she needed was a good cry). I just sat there and listened. When it came time for D9's bedtime, I mentioned I need to put my lunch together for tomorrow and asked, I wonder what I would want? She said, peanut butter & jelly. Then added, I could go for one right now. I said OK, I'll make you one with mine. When I got up, she looked at me and ask for a hug! Except for Monday's "mistake", this was her first request for physical touch in two weeks!! During the embrace, she said going to cry again. I just kept embracing for as long as she held on. She woke up in the middle of the night (nightmare?) with a jerk that woke me up. I embraced her from behind, to which she held onto my arm, snuggled in closer and wrapped her legs around mine.
Sudden about faces, twist & turns, loop-de-loops, will the ride ever end?
Oops! Spent all the time today writing about myself ... but I promise to get around to you swell folks soon...
I may end up taking D9 and see if W decides to tag along.
Everything about her day, how she was feeling at the moment (including a comment that maybe what she needed was a good cry). I just sat there and listened. When it came time for D9's bedtime, I mentioned I need to put my lunch together for tomorrow and asked, I wonder what I would want? She said, peanut butter & jelly. Then added, I could go for one right now. I said OK, I'll make you one with mine. When I got up, she looked at me and ask for a hug! Except for Monday's "mistake", this was her first request for physical touch in two weeks!! During the embrace, she said going to cry again. I just kept embracing for as long as she held on. She woke up in the middle of the night (nightmare?) with a jerk that woke me up. I embraced her from behind, to which she held onto my arm, snuggled in closer and wrapped her legs around mine. 
