CAGZ new YEAR - (meredith your 5 years motivated)

[tpaschal]

Ok posting an honesty post.

Doing bad things for me. What? Seeking answers that don't matter. Information on ow father - funny what you can find on the internet. Doesn't matter does it?

STUPID STUPID STUPID!! I am not doing good - I want answers- I want resolve and all of this means NOTHING!! AND it is like I have said above..enough already!! I know what to do --- why in the H don't I choose to do it?!!!!

{{{Cagz}}}

Oh, honey, don't beat yourself up about it. We're human. We screw up.

We do things that are bad for us, even when we KNOW they are bad for us. But you know what? We can still learn from them.

I don't know what your motivation was for trying to find out about the OW's father, but I have to tell you---honesty alert---I've done the same thing. (I can't remember for sure---but aren't you a member of the control freak clan, along with me and Pam?)

I think it's normal to want to find out about her past, to try and understand what made her turn out the way she is, and what makes her think it's okay to have an affair with a married man and help break up his marriage.

For me, it was all about that. What was in her past that caused this? In my sitch, the OW's father DID walk out on her and her family when she was young. It doesn't make what she is doing right, but it does help me understand her motivations a little more.

I know a lot of people might say that her motivations don't matter, but for me, having that understanding is helping with forgiveness. It's harder to hate her when I realize that yeah, she may be conniving and manipulative, but underneath it all she's just a hurting, screwed up kid.

If anything you found helps lead you toward forgiveness for the OW, then maybe God led you to that knowledge. And if you didn't find anything that led you toward forgiveness, maybe God thought you needed a refresher course of the lesson, "Snooping is bad for Cagz."

Maybe you could pray about it, ask God what lesson you can take from this, and then move on from it.

Don't get down on yourself. You are an amazing, awesome woman.