God give me the patience and the strength...2

[tpaschal]

what makes you think he is going to be happy with the OW

I don't...but anything is possible. What I really think is that she is the easier route for him. That something has been between them for alot longer than I know. That he made this decision to be with her and he just may "stick" to that. That he's caused so much damage that he believes in his mind that she may be his only damamge. That he has said over and over again, " I am done with you, I don't want to try again, that I am never coming home" that he HAS to stick to that decision because "you know me, when I make my mind up, that is it!"

But I do think that I know my H and if he stays with her. One day she will pay for his choices. One day he will hate her for what he gave up to be with her.

TOH,

I'm right here with you on this one.

I know through the grapevine (and yes, through some snooping on his cell phone when he's left it lying around) that my H and his OW don't have the perfect fairytale life that he thought it would be. And maybe he's started to see this, at least a little.

BUT...the affair between my H and his OW is public knowledge, and he said it so loud and so often to me (that she would make him happy) that I'm not sure he will ever be able to admit that he made a mistake. I think he'd rather live his life being miserable than to have to admit to the world that he screwed up.

I also think that if my H stays with this OW, she will end up being the target of his anger. It's all just so sad.

So how can we as the LBS's counteract this? Is there any way to let our H's know that if they owned up to their issues, came back home and made their marriage work they would eventually be thought of as a type of hero? But if they throw away their kids and everything they worked so hard for and stay with the OW, they'll be thought of as the biggest kind of fool?

I can't remember who it is, but there's a poster here on the MLC board whose tagline says, "Be the greener grass!" We certainly can't control our H's, so I guess becoming that greener grass and being patient and letting TIME work to our benefit are two really important things we can do.