I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
Oh, definitely! My H used to point it out to me all the time...
I believe there is direct connection btw these thoughts and having emotionally abusive parents. If you were constantly scolded and belittled as a child, you are most likely to develop a similar pattern of abuse directed at yourself as adult.
I'm trying to deal with it most of my life...
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
Hi Jen, Just catching up on your sitch. It's great H is opening up to you eventhough he's still talking about filing for D. You're doing a great job remaining calm, listening, not reacting. Keep up the great work!!!
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
I saw him today and while he was washing his clothes he said something like "If my clothes comes out black I'll kill ya" I said "well, thats one way to get rid of me" To which he counters "I don't want to get rid of you, dork" I figure at least he doesn't want me gone completely LOL
Last night we went to a friends B Day party. He walked D and I home. When we got to the door he asked D for his kiss. I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek and said good night. At least he didn't pull away and kissed me on the cheek too.
Thought what the Heck. When he left this afternoon I said "where's my kiss?" And he kissed me on the cheek again.
These were baby steps for me because he normally pulls away from me. Lately he doesn't flinch if we "touch"
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
Ok I have a complete new stratgy for my M. I'll be going dark as of midnight (EST ) I can't deal with the way we get on and the fact that I'm usually the one initiating contact. He's had enough of the calls and so I have to quit cold turkey so to speak.
As you know this is a 180 for me and I feel this may be the only way to heal our R or to even have a chance.
He hasn't completely closed the door on us which is good but I know he wants to see that I can develop a life without him and I don't need him to be happy. He has been so supportive of me and now I feel that I have gone to far and maybe abused his supportiveness.
I'll keep on a PMA and act as if everything is wonderful when I see him.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I believe there is direct connection btw these thoughts and having emotionally abusive parents. If you were constantly scolded and belittled as a child, you are most likely to develop a similar pattern of abuse directed at yourself as adult.
I'm trying to deal with it most of my life...
Definitely! I agree 100%. It sure affects a childs and thus an adults self esteem too and I think these thought distortions are probably more evident in people with lower self esteem than normal.
I too have been fighting this most of my life. It has turned into contempt for my Mom. Something I'm not proud of but have learned to accept.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
