One thing that always impressed me about his training was the emphasis on manly values; strength, control, HONOR is very big.
I agree with this. My H has a black belt too and even taught classes. He still screwed up BUT it is what convinces me that MLC is definatley an illness (albeit a seemingly intractable one).
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Pardon my absence...I was busy removing the knife from my back.
MIL and Jackie were both there together with the kids, in Boston, at M's apartment...how cozy and loverly. Friggin in-laws! Mitch has always been their Golden boy--guess everything he does is pure genius and beauty. I hate it. He is rewarded OVER and OVER for leaving me. His life is so splendid and fabulous--a "dream come true" he tells people. And the fact is, it really is.
Yes, he will lose the trust and affection of his children eventually, I suppose, but he doesn't really care, so it doesn't make a whole lot of difference to him. I can say his priorities are screwed, but what diff. does it make? His priorities are his own and he enjoys how they organize his life.
I know, I know, I shouldn't care. But I do. The MIL was my last attachment to that family, the one who stayed in touch and told me "if I ever meet 'that woman' she better watch out" and I have been betrayed by her now twice in this whole business and I wash my hands of the lot of them. F*ckers!
So the kids are back with me after my 2 millisecond break from them and I feel overwhelmed and tired of being the only real parent of four children. Of course Mitch waited until 2 hours before he put the kids back on the plane to tell them he was moving to Maryland. Can you say coward? I knew he would do it that way--he's predictable in his weeniness. So of course they will have to process the whole thing with me and frankly I am done mustering excuses for him. He's an asswipe, "But daddy loves you very much...." blah blah blah.
Not only did they come back depressed, but with strep throat as well. Okay, today I hate him. Yes I do.
My karate boy is coming again in a week...I'm gonna cook Paella for him. My mom's watching the kids for me--thank GOD for my mother! Lissie--tell me how you do Paella--I know getting the crusty bottom is important and I need tips. My best friend's boy will be here too so we're double dating. I'll be making cosmopolitans for cocktail hour.
Nice distractions for sure, but not a cure, I'll have to so something else to get my head pure.
His life is so splendid and fabulous--a "dream come true" he tells people. And the fact is, it really is.
If he has to tell people that, he is busy trying to convince himself because it is nOT true - trust me on this.
As for the MIL - take some pity on her. It is exceedingly awkward for family members. My mother sided with my brother's 3rd wife when he divorced her; years later mom (76) is still being made to pay a price, with only very limited contact from my bratty brother.
Besides - MIL may have rightly felt that SOMEONE needed to be there for your kids. And maybe she was passive-aggressive as all get out with Ms. Leatherpants.
Let it go, Althea. I know there's this automatic part that kicks in - "it's not fair, she stole him, he's getting off easy without having to do the hard work of parenting" - all true. But ALSO true is that you and your kids have a brighter future ahead of you WITHOUT Mitch's self-absorbed zombie body in your town.
I'm pretty sure you're going to have WAY more fun with karate guy next week than Mitch will have being a yuppie with Ms Leatherpants. Right now they're probably fighting about the loud ticking of her biological clock!!!!
You should feel sorry for him. YOU know how to LIVE; he doesn't have a clue.
I know I need to let it go, but dammit I'm having a helluva time doing it today. He's in Princeton right now at some conference (that's why he could only keep the kids four days) and I just think "why does he get to live this life free of worry and doing everything he loves and wants?" He loves the kids, and he gets to have them for "fun" stuff. He took them skiing while they were there. Great. But I get to have them through the good and the bad and when I am cranky I know they would rather be with him and frankly, I'd rather it too. I was a cranky mom today--what am I talking about, I still AM a cranky mom today and I'm getting no enjoyment from these kids at all--it's just a job--one that is wearing me out and one I am forced to do, like it or not, gotta keep trudging along. Ugh, I suck! A
p.s. I'll probably feel differently tomorrow--just venting, but it is what it is and right now what it is is sucky.
Your wrong, you should care. You should still have feelings and feel all of them. Anger, resentment, fear, frustration, they are all very realistic feelings under your circumstances.
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So of course they will have to process the whole thing with me and frankly I am done mustering excuses for him. He's an asswipe,
First off, yes he is an asswipe, and a coward! However, when you step back and look at this situation, aren't you really kind of glad that they get to process it all with you instead of with him. I mean we both know what he would do if they were upset and expressed it. He would make cowardly excuses, false promises, and hurt your babies even more than he already is. With you they will get support, love, and the shoulder that they need as they feel the pain of realizing how little they mean to their father. I for one am grateful that they will be with you through this part.
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I'll have to so something else to get my head pure.
You are sweetie, you came here, you said how it made you feel, and you will hear many many of the people who care about you tell you what a magnificant mother and woman you are and how much better those kids are with you. That is step one to getting your head clear and being the woman that you are.
Take care of yourself and know that we are all here for you.
I know I need to let it go, but dammit I'm having a helluva time doing it today. He's in Princeton right now at some conference (that's why he could only keep the kids four days) and I just think "why does he get to live this life free of worry and doing everything he loves and wants?" He loves the kids, and he gets to have them for "fun" stuff. He took them skiing while they were there. Great. But I get to have them through the good and the bad and when I am cranky I know they would rather be with him and frankly, I'd rather it too. I was a cranky mom today--what am I talking about, I still AM a cranky mom today and I'm getting no enjoyment from these kids at all--it's just a job--one that is wearing me out and one I am forced to do, like it or not, gotta keep trudging along. Ugh, I suck!
(((((((((Althea)))))))).
Being human is so trying sometimes.
I feel like this often, and I only have one kid; you're a damn miracle with four. But I wouldn't consider letting XH and the spiderwoman raise mine, and neither would you.
Have a drink, a bath, some chocolate and get some rest. There's something in the air today, many of us are off-kilter, present co. included.
just offering hugs)))))))))))))))) I have half the number of kids, but I totally know what you mean. We are the ones who are stuck with the bulk of the mundane un-fun stuff that has to be done, and it sucks a lot of times to have this lot.
But let's never forget that "Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Psalm 127:4"
Both you and him will reap what you sow
"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. Psalm 126:4-6"
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Where in MD? Because I'm from there, and I know people...Ths would be a great way for me to start my "revenge artist" business. In fact, I'll hit that oxical asswipe for free.
Seriously, Althea, somedays the best you can do is trudge on. That's OK. That's life. You are coping with a lot right now. It's OK to not be perfect all the time.
Enjoy your Karate Boy..but...maybe this is just me, but I don't think the crusty bottom will be so attractive.
