Wife has filed, and on we go

[micoms]

Grid,

Good to hear from you again. The OM was probably a year or more ago. W would always talk about him. Then one day she went shopping with her sister and left her my space IM on the computer. It was very sexual talk with some other guy. Then I started checking her cell phone and looking in her purse and found OM's phone #. She claimed they were friends.

The Chevy is Turquoise and Ivory with factory green tinted windows. All original except for a four speed trans. We've had it over 20 years. Housing market here is pretty depressed. The house needs some work, new carpet in some rooms, baths redone, new kitchen floor. Auditor values it at 124k. W wants a value of 120k. I think value is more like 100k, so much to be done. I'm going back and forth on it. On one hand it will be me and D19, do I need 4 bedrooms for us, on the other could pay off all bills and small down payment on smaller house or condo.

Going to S27's house tomorrow night, will stop by D24's house first even though it's in the opposite direction to stop by on my way to have a drink with a friend.

Mike

[grid, lost]

Good to hear from you again. The OM was probably a year or more ago. W would always talk about him.

Ok, so lets see, W left about 6 months after this little IM and lookie lookie time? What went down between two of you? How were you doing with M? How did you deal with the A, EA or PA does not matter, I know that now!!
DBing, how have you changed interactions with W since last summer? Mike I am looking for change in your actions with W as comparred to then????? Just feel you are getting her to warm up a bit and time is sorta running out.
When your kids first learn about OM? How have they handled it? There has to be different action steps lets try and ID them. If I am over stepping here please just tell me to back off if I am, ok?

The Chevy is Turquoise and Ivory with factory green tinted windows. All original except for a four speed trans. We've had it over 20 years.

OH, one of my favorite colors for the old muscle cars. Green tinted windows, WOW, haven't seen those on a vehicle for a long time. Even most restored ones lack tinted glass. MY S-10 pickup is 13 yrs old. Extended cab, rasberry color, tinted glass, 5 speed on the floor pretty little thing. I love it and can not bring myself to sell it! So I can just imagine how you feel having to sell the car. Getting that down on cash? See this D stuff, loose so many ways.

Housing market here is pretty depressed. The house needs some work, new carpet in some rooms, baths redone, new kitchen floor. Auditor values it at 124k. W wants a value of 120k. I think value is more like 100k, so much to be done. I'm going back and forth on it

.
W wants $120k, for herself or as the FMV of home????? Of course if you sell the house W is assuming you will do all the fix up work.??? Well there is a chip to bargain with. Mike, BTW, what happen to asking the court for ordering MC? How is that going?

On one hand it will be me and D19, do I need 4 bedrooms for us, on the other could pay off all bills and small down payment on smaller house or condo

.
Your D19 has she offered up any comments? What about your other kids how is selling their family "home" hitting them. From what you are saying house needs $10,000. put into it or take that or half that amount again in lost sale value? correct? If you're selling and split the money, would you be able to purchase home the size and neighborhood you'd want to have? Funny at first I thought, well since I'm alone just get a smaller house. Ouch, then I go and look at one, plan the furniture lay out. To Small and I end up feeling boxed in. H has agreed to give me the equity in this house. Knock on wood he doesn't back out. Soon am going to have papers drawn up transfering house to 100% my name. Not quite what had in mind for DBing. lol

Mike wish to see you post have another coaching session set up. Stay on this and don't let the door close on you.
Really late now so I better sign off. You surprised me with how late posted back on this board. Are you a night owl? I sure am.
have to go, falling asleep at the desk top.
grid, lost

[micoms]

Grid,

I thought she was having an A with this co-worker. She had a weekday off and was supposed to see two ladies that trained her and her GF. She hadn't had any contact with these two ladies in over a year. I tried to follow her and she caught me. The M was strained I guess because she would be sleeping all the time, I felt ignored. A couple of times she would get a weekend morning off and she would fall asleep when we were supposed to go out. I felt like I wasn't important enough to even stay awake for.

After W first left I would see her about 4 times a week. We'd go out to dinner a couple of times and I would hang out with her at D's the others. We went on a planned vacation together in August. She was supposed to move back home upon our return. She decided not to. After our return I found DB in a book store and read it. Saw that I didn't give her time or space, pursued too much and I didn't see her except once every two weeks. three weeks later she dropped the D bomb.

W wants the value of the house to be 120k. and split the equity.Talked to S27 and asked how he felt about selling the home he grew up in, he said it kinda sucks, but you have to do what you have to. W and I had planned on no vaca this summer and put the money into the house and sell it and get a smaller place, 3br house. I'll need to get a house, very few apts will let you have a dog and like you said I have too much stuff to fit in an apt.

I'm going to call about another coaching session on monday if I can get home in time. No more cardiac rehab, I graduated yesterday. Now I have to do physical therapy on my shoulder.

Mike

[grid, lost]

We went on a planned vacation together in August. She was supposed to move back home upon our return. She decided not to. After our return I found DB in a book store and read it. Saw that I didn't give her time or space, pursued too much and I didn't see her except once every two weeks. three weeks later she dropped the D bomb

.
Mike,
Do a search for another DBer in much the same boat we are in, user name HHIF. Might take time and read 4 -5 pages of his stitch. Some what like yours (infact believe you've posted there). Anyway, I've been impressed with his own rationalizing where his W is at, how he handles it,that is what his conversations with W are like, his comments to her, and his thoughts on it all. Might give you a bit of strength and encouragement. Of course no two stitches are same.

planned on no vaca this summer and put the money into the house and sell it and get a smaller place, 3br house. I'll need to get a house, very few apts will let you have a dog and like you said I have too much stuff to fit in an apt.

Well if it were me, I'd move fast if going to sell. As market is going to get worse before gets better so longer you wait to put house on market less you're like to net out of sale. Mortgage rates are still fairly low so that is good. Consider investing the money to hire someone to stage the house for you. Money well invested for sale of such a high ticket asset. BTW, are you familiar with what means to have someone stage the house for you?

I'm going to call about another coaching session on monday if I can get home in time. No more cardiac rehab, I graduated yesterday. Now I have to do physical therapy on my shoulder

.
LOL, men and making appointments. Just laughing at the male vs female way of handling setting up phone session. Or maybe it is me, my H would say exactly what you said, If I get home in time. See for me, If I want to set up an appointment, then I make that happen. For example, rather than hope I'll get home in time, I would email Virginia(head honcho @ their offices) tell her who I wish appointment with, give 2 or 3 availalbe times and then ask them to call me at X time to confirm appointment, etc. LOL, H and I use to go round and round on stuff like that. The attitude of "if I get home in time" just drives me crazy when I want to work on something as important as a coaching session. Must be a male vs female way of handling things or is it me??? So if you were in my H's shoes and we were discussing setting up the appointment, well we would be growling at each other by now. crazy hu? lol

Tell me again how you hurt your shoulder? Now the heart and lines are sound, what or how much do you need worked on the shoulder? Still having a lot of pain with it? LOL Amazes me just how fast our bodies fall apart once we past the "top of the hill mark" !!!! lol

Know what I miss doing? Jogging !!! Use to be a jogger, not a runner, a jogger and just for a mile or two. Boy my back could never handle that anymore.
Well gave time today to SPCA, off site adoptions. Seems we managed to get an 8 month old very small beautiful female husky pup into what appears to be a great home. Complete with another and larger big dog, boy of 4 and girl of 7, plus they have both a Mom and a Dad in the household!!!!!! Wish had taken a pic of this pup. Very small, jet black, with the white paws/legs, mask, soft soft fur and sky blue eyes. What a lovely dog, topped off with lots of energy !!!! She will need those two kids !!!! OH and the little girl was just in Love with the pup. Bet by next Weds. that pup is sleeping on her bed !!!!
All in all a good day. WOW, WAIT a Minute, Mike????
Mike do you see what I just posted????.....
All in all a good day, first time I've ever posted that on here. thank you for helping me get back to there, having a good day.
Well my over weight tiger cat is sitting on my lap and arm begging for me to go to bed. Plus have a match dog show, play and train show. Better get some sleep.
cheers,
grid, lost

[micoms]

Grid,

I don't know what staging a house is.

My shoulder has hurt since I got off the pain pills after surgery. Doc says it was probably done in the OR. They put your arm straight out and over your head and keep it there for the five hours of surgery.

Took my Mom out for lunch today, she said maybe the D will be good, start a new R with W afterwards. Told her about MLC and where I think W is in the journey. Mom isn't in real good health, she's had heart problems and can't walk too far. She's trying to walk a little farther every day to build up her legs and heart. She' had 3heart attacks, bypass surgery and stents twice, abdominal aortic anyorism, and other ailments.

Good for the pup, kids need a good dog. A constant friend and companion. Was on call today, had only one, I was hoping for more than that.

Mike

[christarn]

Hi Mike...nice that you had lunch with your mom! I bet she loves lunch "dates" with you!! Have you had your rotator cuff checked? May be more than surgical positioning if it is still not better...that is usually cleared up by now?? Usually our post op patients stop complaining about that 3 or 4 days after surgery. IMHO I would have it checked into...you don't want to have a therapist rip something worse than it already is!

Are things any better your way? Did you get a coaching session in?

I don't know what has happened...but something has lit a small tinge of a fire...maybe we will call it an ember for now, under my H's tushhy!!!LOL!! We played phone tag the majority of last week...I did good, acted as if I had other things going on, and wasn't that interested in what he had to say, I don't know if that sparked his intrest or what...but he text me on Sat...just to see "what's up"...had not done that in 3-4 months!!! And we chatted back forth for a little while...then did it again on Sunday! However, Sunday I was kind of busy, and just answered...forgot to ask him how he was....ooops, so he didn't text back...but just the pure fact that he wanted to know what was going on with me...2 days in a row...that has totally made my month!!! And made my St. Patty's day complete!!! I saw a ray of sunshine from behind the clouds for the first time in months and months. I am by no means getting my hopes up...but from where I have been in the past few months...it's something ;)!!!

So now, where will it go from here...don't know!! He may go back in his shell for another 3 or 4 months.

I went to a St. Patrick's day parade/drinking festival on Saturday...my first time going out in a few months...it was fun. Saw a bunch of friends I hadn't seen in a while, which was nice. I enjoyed multiple budlights...yummy! And a couple irish shots! and a shot of the 3 wise men..one can never have too much knowledge (in case you r wondering..jim,jack,jose!!)

Off to bed 12 fun filled hours tomorrow!

Take care,
Christa

[micoms]

Christa,

Doc says it could be a strain, sprain or a tear. He scheduled a MRI because he said I already had limited motion. I had a MRI but haven't heard the results yet. Taking anti-inflammatories, they seem to be working a little. I'm done with cardiac rehab now I'm going to do rehab on the shoulder. Not going to do phase three, I'll get my exercise reffing soccer games.

Great about H calling and phone tag. Make sure to not jump when the phone rings or was it texts. I do the same thing, try to read too much into what W does or says. Don't get down if he retreats a little after this contact.

Didn't do anything for St Patrick's day except get a hair cut. What an exciting life!! Going to see a friend tomorrow night and maybe have a drink or two. Don't know if I'll visit the wise men, LOL, I have to go to work in the morning. Just a taste of Mr Miller.

I enjoyed lunch with Mom, She got ribs and had enough for dinner. During dinner I got a call and had to cut it short to take care of it. I work on elevators and was on call Sunday. I used to take care of a couple of hospitals elevators here, they were in the Mercy system. Visited one of them a couple of weeks ago, they wanted to know if I was going to work for the new co. Head of maint said it hasn't been the same. The stuff there was some of the equipment that I think I'm the last Haughton guy left in the region.

Hope H doesn't wait long to call/text again.

Mike

[christarn]

Hi Mike....so just need a little male insight on this one PLEASE!!! The H texts me today...and of all days, I like an idiot, walked out of the house without my cell...so back to the story...he texts me at 10:40am and asked "are you working 2day" and of course I do not have a phone, so I can't reply, and at 2pm, another text came thru from him, stating "ok, thanks anyway"....so when I got home from work, looked at my phone and saw what had happend, I text messaged him back and said; I wasn't ignorning you, left without my phone today, just got done working 12 hours, sorry I missed your text, what's up....to which, he does not respond, or at least it has been well over 2 hours and I haven't gotten a response??!! What is up with that??

I didn't of course text him anymore, and I won't...but it's frustrating to me for the simple fact that I have messaged him so many times and he would just ignore me....and I have a very resonable explanation....and now it's like he's ticked about it. I don't get it!

I am trying hard to remain calm, cool, and collected. But am still quite happy because in the past week I have heard from him several times....it is a deffinite turn from where I was a few short weeks ago. I hope this little situation doesn't send him back under his rock! LOL

any advice?

hugs,
Christa

[micoms]

Christa,

Maybe H thinks you're paying him back by not answering his texts like he never responded to yours. I'm not into the texting thing, but I know I don't check my phone for missed calls all the time either. Sounds like from the two texts he had a question that needed an answer pretty quick, besides you can't carry your cell at work can you?

Does H answer the phone if you call? If so next time you miss his text, give him a call and see what it was about.

W is coming over the house to see what she wants . So far all she wants is the love seat and her knick knacks. I'll try my best to DB her, keep upbeat and positive. I think I'm going to sell the house instead of buying her out. I don't need a four bedroom house for just me and D19. I'll look into downsizing into a three bedroom ranch or bilevel. Or maybe even a condo. I've agreed to sell the 57 Chevy, it'll be a sad day to see it go. It is unrestored and only 116k miles on it.

Mike

[christarn]

Mike...that will be a sad day...my dad always wanted a 57 chevy, memories can take you a long way, but being able to pass that car to your children would take those memories farther; I know it would be hard, but you may need to gently remind your W of that.

I'm sure it is stressful and emotional to think about selling your home, one with so many memories, I can't imagine.

As for my sitch, the H did text msg me again today, said he has been trying to get ahold of me so we could talk; i think he was bluffing, trying to get out of being a little fussy yesterday; just my opinion though. I think he may be a little nervous at the fact I have stopped being at his beck and call, not being there every time he wants me to be, and is starting to wonder why he has text me so many times and i haven't even mentioned a word about us getting together. Just my two cents on the sitch!

Take care of you...I saw hamilton on the weather channel...are you in the flooded areas? I hope not, you don't need that too!

hugs,
Christa