Tommy - Of course she had an affair. She was too weak or stupid or scared or whatever to stay true while you were deployed. End of discussion.
Now - knowing that - are you sure you would want her back? I ask, because you are young, and who knows, you might change your mind again about kids. She has shown you something important here about her character. When the chips are down - stresses, she's depressed, whatever - she runs to the "feel good" solution (ie affair) rather than buckling down to do the owrk to fix things. IF you reconciled with her, it would be knowing that she would likely repeat this behavior in the future - when health or financial crises hit, or when she hits 40 and has a midlife crisis. Is that who you would choose for a life's mate at this point in your life?
Look, I'm not saying it's impossible for her to change. But I sure wouldn't even THINK about taking her back unless and until she had some serious counseling, admitted her affair, and did ALL the steps necessary to repair this.
