I'm kinda in the same boat so I just wanna warn you about something.
Your W may not want to discuss her C sessions with you. This is very unnerving. You don’t know if C is helping or hurting your cause. There may be times when you think your W’s C is sinking your M and you may want to interfere.
Don’t touch it, Jeff. You’ll only make matters worse.
I’ve been DBing for over two years. In all that time, my W never mentioned D. After her third C session, my W said that her C told her that we should inform the kids that we’re having difficulties. After her fourth session, she broached the subject of D.
This was the only feedback I got about the C. I had the good sense not to pursue it but I still worried about what W’s C was telling her.
Well, lately W has told me of her regrets for some of the ways she’s been treating me. She’s also admitted that I’m a “good H” and did a complete about turn on some of her criticisms of me.
I still don’t know where this is going, but it seems more positive.
My point is this. Had I tried to argue with what I thought my W was learning from her C, I would have sabotaged the whole works.
So sit tight and wait it out. Don’t jump to conclusions and hope for the best.
Your experience may be completely different, but I just thought I’d give you a heads-up on what may be coming your way.
TTFN,
Andy, after reading what you wrote to jeffh, I realized that as I was posting my anxiety of W going to her C, that you were living my greatest fear! So I need to express I have the deepest sense of gratitude for your help while going through such pain. Thank You. You also have my admiration for your ability to sense what direction needs to be taken and the fortitude to see it through.
I don't feel that I am so bold and am extremely lucky to have you to guide me. This weekend was a struggle as none I've experienced in nearly a year! There was another C session on Saturday. Afterwards we did some shopping and a picnic in a park with trails. After lunch we hike the trail to a pond full of duck, geese and swans, even a couple of chicks. This would usually do the trick of brightening her mood, but not this time and all during the walk she keep her distance, even tried to discourage walking side by side. Through out the weekend there no sense of closeness at all! This was hard to take, after months of building towards drawing closer, to be ripped apart! Saturday, evening I pushed a little by mentioning that I hadn't received a hug all day. She bowed her head forward and said, "There are no hugs in there." After struggling with a follow up question, trying to choose my words carefully, I asked, "Is everything between us still alright?" She wanted to know why I had asked and I said because you said there were no hugs in there. She replied with "They're just sleeping."
By Sunday, I decided to start tearing out the stumps of thoses birch trees in order to focus my energies away from W while she was curled up in bed. I couldn't help but keep thinking she was contemplating an escape from me. I so desperately wanted to do something!! To find a way to start a dialog. Knowing that in the face on not knowing what to do that would bring me closer to what would work, I need to do nothing, but doing nothing didn't seem to be working either. Then I started remember the words you wrote to me Andy. That gave me the strength to carry on doing nothing until something would present itself.
Sunday night, just before going to sleep, she mumbled, "I want to go away." I'm thinking wildly, I need her to talk to me, how do I get her to open up! Then the question comes to me! "What makes you say that?" She responded! Slowly a trickle of what has been going on with W was released.
Jethro, you were right, my W is the throes of another bout of depression. I feared she was tip-toeing the edge of the abyss, but it worse as she has been sensing being pulled towards it. I found out she has not moved forward with selecting a new psychiatrist or going to an endocrinologist. Her excuse ... she lost the list I printed for her. I got on-line right away and printed another list, then complied to her request to remain by her side.
So Andy again I must say Thank You. Again, my imagination took me down the wrong path, which if I acted upon it would had definately made things worse. We still have a struggle before us, but now we can work at it with a unified front rather than having it pull us apart.
Quoting Andy: Well, lately W has told me of her regrets for some of the ways she’s been treating me. She’s also admitted that I’m a “good H” and did a complete about turn on some of her criticisms of me.
I still don’t know where this is going, but it seems more positive.
I'm so glad to hear this. Sounds like she is starting to open her eyes. It could lead to her taking those blinders off entirely. Then all the DBing you've done for the past two years can finally come to fruition. I keep such great hopes that soon it will all work out for you. Keep the faith...you made me a believer.
So I need to express I have the deepest sense of gratitude for your help while going through such pain. Thank You. You also have my admiration for your ability to sense what direction needs to be taken and the fortitude to see it through.
This was hard to take, after months of building towards drawing closer, to be ripped apart! Saturday, evening I pushed a little by mentioning that I hadn't received a hug all day. She bowed her head forward and said, "There are no hugs in there." After struggling with a follow up question, trying to choose my words carefully, I asked, "Is everything between us still alright?" She wanted to know why I had asked and I said because you said there were no hugs in there. She replied with "They're just sleeping." 
That gave me the strength to carry on doing nothing until something would present itself.
