A LBS's take on role reversals. I have been DBing for a while and a peculiar thing has happened. As I have regained my self respect and found that I am not nearly as insecure as I once thought, I have come to view my sit with much more clarity. Unfortunately to the principles of DB'ing, that clarity has made me less interested in saving my marriage. I was always the insecure and clingy person in the marriage but now as I look on it with a little bit of distant perspective I realize that I do not want to be married to the person my wife is now. Not only is she extremely selfish and self centered, but she has treated me with seething disrespect.
She hid a very unsuccessful (for her) EA and lied about it. She was constantly calling this dude who would not return her calls all the while she was telling me that she just needed space. She moved out and has had little to no meaningful contact with our boys (12 and 5) and has also contributed nothing to the cost or effort of caring for them as she said she would. I have lost all respect for her in turn and any attraction that I may have had.
I don't think that losing attraction to my wife was the intent of DBing when I started it but it most certainly is the honest reality of how I feel now. I have gone through the lost puppy dog begging and pleading junk, went through the guilt of blaming myself for her leaving and have come to a startling state of apathy about any hope of saving my marriage. I don't feel anger towards her but I do not think I would even consider taking back the person she is now. This is hard for me to come to terms with because of my faith and my feelings about divorce. I am sure that things could change but I have to say that it would certainly be a miracle from God if it did.
I must say to the WAW's on this forum that have found themselves in the sit of role reversal, I feel for you because you seem to have made changes in yourselves and I wish you the best in your R's. It is still early on in my sit and I know that. But at this moment, I cant even imagine taking her back. It is probably because she now sees the changes in me and she is the one initiating all the contact. I guess from the position of new found strength that I have, I can see things with new perspective.
