question, after many months did you find yourself falling out of love with your husband? yesterday, i looked at my wife,and thought to myself, i am beginning to fall out of love with her. i just sat next to my bed and prayed and cried. it scares me to think that it can be happening.
Well, Craig, I hate to tell you this, but yes I did feel as though I fell out of love with my H. You are correct in saying that if love is not fed, it will die. I went for so many years that my emotional and sexual needs were not met that I detached from my H to the point that I did not feel in love anymore. I loved him like you would love a dear relative.....like a sibling or somebody close like that. We were "comfortable" with each other for a while, but then that is when I fell into the "snare" that Satan had waiting for me.
When a couple goes through so much stuff like you both have, it really does take such an tremendous strain on the emotions that I think you do feel as though you have fallen completely out of love. Some people feel nothing.....like a zombie, and some reach a point they don't even like thier S anymore. I have been in both places in my M and it is not pleasant.
As I said in my last post, your W is going through too much at one time to try to adjust. The loss of her father, break-up with OM, reuniting with you.......too much at once! It sounds like she is very depressed (which would be certainly natural) but under these circumstances, she may need medication to help her get back to where she needs to be. As my doctor told me, it is not a shame or disgrace for a Christian to use AD meds b/c you can't help the chemical reactions in your brain anymore than you can help some other part of your body disfunctioning. I don't want to sound like I encourage people to take AD meds for every little thing that happens.....or b/c I have to take them myself. However, her case is severe and I think the exhaustion, the sitting without talking (zombie actions) it all shouts depression. I would strongly suggest that you get her to a doctor. She may not recognize how serious she is b/c of her condition, but you may have to make an appointment and take her yourself. If she resists, just tell her you love her and that she has been through too much at once and you want the doctor to see her b/c you are concerned for her health. Don't suggest that she might harm herself or anything like that.
I believe your feeling are the result of what you have been through. Hurt can damage a lot of feelings and it takes a long time to get back what you feel that you have lost. My H and I are not back a 100% yet. We still have to work on it. Mostly, it will be left up to me b/c I don't think he is going to change now. He is too set in his ways. I have to try to forgive the resentment that has built from many years (which is hard!)and put it behind me.
Try to not be so hard on yourself right now. I think you may be trying a little bit too hard and maybe expecting too much from yourself......and perhaps your W as well. Continue to take a day at a time. At first, we just have to try to get through the day...you know? Baby steps along each day. Under the circumstances of what has happened lately, try to take care of each other (it will mostly be you taking care of her b/c she is not able to do much of anything right now). She needs you whether she acts like it or not.
Again, referring to your feelings......don't try to analyze everything too closely or it will drive you nuts! LBS usually do that when the WAS returns and it will do a number on you. Remember, you were trying to detach and now you are trying to attach back and your emotions may be confussed. Don't worry, just keep praying and depending on the Lord. This too shall pass.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
