Let me add a little extra to the "blog" I posted a few minutes ago..
I read a lot of these posts, new and archived, about success stories, rebuilding lives after divorces, or just people who drift away without knowing any outcome..why do I feel that this woman has changed so much and done so many things that we would consider them "regrets".
Maybe looking at it negatively..this could be the REAL W and maybe I saw a different or "alien" W when I was married to her. Thats not good PMA or GALing, but more "thinking outside the box". It could happen..we, as humans, tend to do some strange things, dont we?
All these things W has done, but still feel she cares about me...I am very short with her and sometimes monotone when I talk to her. I don't ask anything about her life or adventures. Thats my 180..all I feel I'm good for to her now, is a babysitter and a check for CS...and to think, she once told me she loved me more than words can say....
I have received so many blessings in the last two years.(which is the length of S) So many people I have known for years ask me.."Why are you still single?" Heh, I only they knew..hell, I wish I knew! I don't really pine over her anymore, but something keeps me from meeting potential dates and such, that I don't know why. If Im such a good man, why don't single women see that?
Could be a subconscious defense mechanism..push away that which will hurt me again like W did. Im a positive person, but I have my moments where my brain can think of nothing but "Why and How?"
When does this end? Do I need to file for D to truly move on? Is that what God is telling me? "Leave this person to complete the trial, and then I will show you what true love is in a woman?" Maybe, I am still sitting outside the high school dance, thinking no woman will dance with me, instead of just walking in and asking one to...sure there is a few wallflowers in there...
Well, Im going out Sat night to see a band with a bunch of friends for St Patty's Day. Im gonna have fun this weekend!
