You guys are so sweet to me. Thanks for all your responses. What I was really doing was venting. I heard something in X's voice last night. I know him better than he knows himself really. I heard him leading up to an excuse.
Guys, I have a kid - and 18 YO kid - who loves family, and country, and right, and wants to be a cop. My baby. I told him he has to do what makes him happy with himself and if that's law enforcement, so be it. He certainly has the right demeanor for that job. Calm, cool, collected. I'd probably be scared the rest of my life with that choice, but the choice is HIS. X chose to denigrate the young man and chose to say he's bad because he's shy. What? Anyway, I've seen this pattern with X before. His way of getting out of a commitment is to start talking about people in a bad way. But his offspring? His only two children?
If my son has a calling, then he should follow it. If my son is happy doing what he does, then he should want to try to do that. Isn't it our job to encourage and love them?
I'm upset at X right now. But I'm upset with myself more. If I had kept some control over this "college fund", X would not have the power to start this crap. Even though he's legally bound by it, antything can be changed. That's why we have lawyers. And the big thing here is if he becomes so negative, my son is eventually going to tell him to kiss his A$$ and go away. I believe that is what X is working towards now. Because if it's not spent on my son, it goes to X. Geez.
So what I'm trying to say to those of you out there who have not yet settled, don't take their word. Take complete control and do not leave anything to chance.
When we are told this is a business decision, it is so true. It really, really is.
This 2, I have not kept up with your threads, but I appreciate your responses to me.
If you are married to a narcissist, then please heed my words, years after the D. Once a narcissist, always one. If you have children with one, then make certain you have some control over their future.
You've got a cosmo coming right up. And Barb, Queenie and Bethie, the bar is open.
The greatest thing about DB is being able to have mini crises and come here and vent. I heard in X's voice last night the beginnings. See DB does teach us to listen.
In the end, what that man does - does not really matter to me It really doesn't matter to the boys either. They know I will do what I have to do to make whatever needs to be done - done. Of course, that means, I will retire later, but I don't care.
This does make me love MSG more though. So X did a good thing for me.
will keep that in mind hon. I started looking back, specially during the past 4yrs, how selfish he'd become, how it was all about him, even as I asked him (way in the past) that i rather have him help me around the house instead of buying expensive gifts for mom's/bdays he'd say jokingly "but I dont' want to do that!", and sure enough, he never helped much and hoped that by giving me gifts it would make up for it.
You must be very proud of my son, I hear you about being scared, my son is only 10 and talks about being a cop like his dad when he grows up, how he's going to see himself in "cops" every sat night, lol!, it scares me a bit, but if this is his calling i think he'd make one hell of a cop.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Thanks for reminding me about this; I am putting together the final draft of my D agreement and I know we mentioned education, but I can't remember if it was specifically unversity. I wouldn't want it to just cover till they turn 18.
My stbx also paid for university himself (mind you, it is much cheaper here than in the US and was a LOT less in the 80s), and thinks the kids should also. The difference? His parents really had very little money, while stbx makes a very good salary. Like yours, though, it is really all he cares about...well, after himself. No, it's not MLC for mine either - some people are just like that.
I hope this works out for you.
Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
Wow, your Ex sounds just like mine. And I've said it all this time, it's always all about them.
Mine told me along time ago he would pay half of the new kitchen I put into this house we both still own. HMMM, when I brought it up to him, he kinda forgot about it. Lucky for me both my daughter's were listening to the conversation and came out and told their father, that yes, he had agreed. Boy when it comes to money...........there's nothing that comes first!!!
Your right HT, it's a fault in their personalities, and they will never change. Hang in there and just thank your lucky stars we don't live with them anymore.
Man, when I think about how selfish they are it makes me so mad.
That's why I started this thread. I want those just now going through a D and processing the settlement to remember these things. I want them to realize these guys don't really change. Not 5 years later, not really ever. We must think of everything we do as a business decision. We hear it, but sometimes don't heed it.
I know I've never lived in la-la land Friend. I honestly think we thought they were kind and honorable people. My X perpetuated that once. But I think a person's true colors come out in a D. His surely did. I talked to him today about caps and gowns.
He doesn't want to be bothered. He's busy. It's always been me who's taken care of things. It always will be. When my babies are having babies it will be me who knows and him who is told by me what's happening.
But Friend, I win. I get to have the call. I get to have the conversation about it with my child. I would not want it any other way.
These guys are so clueless. And I'm so darned lucky.
Happy, I totally agree with you. We'll never doubt our kids feeling for us or wonder "what if." They know they can always count on us and for that reason, will always share their joys with us. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Just another thing, money can't buy. I love your attitude!!! You're boys have a great Mom and, trust, me they know it.
They do love me. They tell me every time I talk to them. I don't think some people really understand that. I know X doesn't have a clue.
I'll be off the board for about a week because Jake and I are going on spring break together this weekend. I have to tell you guys, that this is an honor to me. For my 18 year old son to go on spring break with me, is the hugest compliment I've ever had in my entire life. We are going to have the best time in Nashville. Of course, this child loves family more than anything and we're meeting at his cousin's house, and my sister has Easter baskets for the "big kids" and all. He loves that. My country music fan is going to have the time of his life.
Happy: What a wonderful time you and Jake will have and of course - you will always have the memories. That is wonderful, especially because he is a twin. I think twins are always in danger of not getting enough one on one parent time. But it sounds like you have always treated your 2 as individuals and respected their differences. Not an easy task for sure. You are one terrific mom!