You know darlin, I have been doing a lot of thinking over the last week and kind of am coming to a place where I am simply unconcerned about my spouse at this point.
I don't necessarily think you have to either be a DB champ, or say you have had enough. Too Black and white for me. I personally have decided to try a new tactic, a combination of paying very little attention to her actions, being myself again with her (meaning forget all the anger and frustration and be Ian), and trying to be as compassionate as I can with her.
Mind you I am not accepting her bad actions, nor am I condoning her decisions. I am merely taking a stance of when I see her do something very stupid (your H and my W seem to have this in common) I kind of look within myself and let my inner voice say "awe, poor thing is just so lost".
Anyway, I hope you get the gist of what I am saying. I don't know if it helps you any or not, but it has certainly made me a little more at ease and less stressed out.
