Hi, I'll try to keep this short and keep any readers interested. I've been divorced about 15 months or so. I'm in the military and after I got back from my last deployment (Feb 06), my XW dropped the bomb on me (about two weeks after getting back). The short version is I went through the trials and tribulations that go along with a marriage dying, and have emerged on the other side. During the D process, I found DR and tried my best to use the techniques, but XW is stubborn and moved out/started seeing someone else. I'm not sure where that led for her, but I know she was seeing someone. Like I said, D about 15 months now.
I've dated other women since then, tried to move on, and overall gotten a life for myself that was separate from her and our old one. But, I could never shake the thoughts of her. Usually it was just random things during the day, like "X likes this," or, "X wanted to do that." The one constant was that I thought about her everyday. Obviously it made things hard around Thanksgiving, Christmas, and V Day (about when we D, about when we M, worst day ever for someone who is D, respectively). When I was feeling really lonely, I would call XW and leave a message. She never answered the phone, and I was actually glad that I could leave a message. I'm not sure if I would have been in the best shape to talk to her anyway. I tried to keep the tone of my voice in the messages positive and upbeat.
In Dec 07 I called her one night and she actually answered the phone, so we talked. First time talking in about six months, at least, and we talked for over an hour. I was so excited because we were able to hold a good conversation for a long time, didn't bring up the past, and we laughed at things we said. Because of work being a bear, I wasn't able to call her till about mid February. I left a message and figured that we were back to the old routine. However, about a week later she called me back. Again, we talked for a little over an hour and had the same type of conversation. This time though, she told me that she thinks about me sometimes during her day. Specifically, little things that I used to do or say. For example, she drinks non-fat milk, and I think it looks like grey water. She told me she was eating a bowl of cereal the other day and thought of me saying that. The next time we talked it was a few days later, a Sunday night. We didn't talk for that long as it was late, but another good talk nonetheless.
Now to my question: what do I do next? I know the basics of DBing, but I don't think they apply here. I don't think she's seeing anyone right now (I don't know for sure, obviously) because when she returned my phone call it was a Friday night and she said she was going home after being at Target looking for an clothes steamer. I want to take things slow at first and not pressure her, or feel like I am pressuring her, to have contact with me. But I also want to talk to her. Right now I'm waiting for her to call me back. At this point, I look at it like this: if she does, great for me; if she doesn't then she doesn't want to. I've long since given up trying to figure out what she thinks and why she does it. But at the same time I'd like some advice from others out there going through similar situations.
