Hi, I'm pretty new to the site myself, but I think you can go into "My Stuff" (your profile) and elect to have e-mails sent to you when someone posts to your thread and any other threads you'd like to keep tabs on.
Sorry about your sitch. It's never easy, but it DOES get easier with time. Time and patience - you'll need a lot of both.
Your in-laws (or any family members for that matter) can sometimes make things worse even when they only have the best intentions. Not exactly sure what you can do about it, but perhaps talking with them, letting them know you appreciate their support, love, and concern, but these types of things do not help the sitch.
Have you bought the book? DB or DR?
Last edited by GoingForward; 02/15/0804:03 AM.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
HM, I'm so sorry that you are here. It's best to just stay in one forum where everyone can find you. I think you are probably in the right place, everyone is so kind here.
I would let him do all of the contacting if you can. It's best not to appear needy to him.
If you close to your MIL I think you should call her and ask her to talk to your H and let him know that she did it on her own and that you had nothing to do with it. Explain to her that your appreciate her support, but right now it would probably hurt more than it would help.
Hugs
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Thanks for responding!! I did tell her I didnt think it would help. I can see where she is coming from as a mom, I would want to say something and feel like I was being active to change things. I know it will only draw my H closer to the OW. There he dosent have to face anyone or anthing so it's easier I get that. I am close to my MIL but the reason she emailed the letter to the OW is because they have not been talking since this all happened. other than his cell (which he screens his calls) nobody knows how to get ahold of him.
I did read the book DR it has helped it's just so hard. Your right I probably do appear very needy. I was letting him call all the time and only answering maybe once a week. Then I just started missing him so much that I started calling, emailing texting whatever. I know I need to stop and I will try to do that. It will be even harder once I return home and we have to talk at least about our son. I think the idea of finding new things to do and new hobbies sounds great but I have a 16month old how do I find time to do that?
This sucks I want the hurt to end. I feel like he is giving me false hope. Wants both worlds and dosent want to give up either of us. That is not ok with me but I keep hoping he will leave her. I have just heard so many times already that he is going to and yet H does nothing!!!
I am really amazed at how many people this affects and it's good to hear that I am not alone. It's amazing reading other people's stories how they are so similar to my own.
H called again today, didnt answer my phone or call him back. Left a message that he misses us both and again said he is going to go see someone to help him with this mess. H said "i'm getting bette I can feel it inside" What the hell does that mean? Instead of talking about changing and talking about leaving..here's an idea just do it!! I am so frustrated with this whole mess I dont know where to begin.
H says he is going to a family get together tomorrow. We will see if he really goes. Has been avoiding everyone but his dad since this started. I want to believe what he is telling me is the truth but he has given me no reason to believe him.
I think it's great that he's going to talk to a pastor. Who knows if he'll stick with it if he couldn't do the counseling, but at least he's making some sort of effort.
His comment about "I'm getting better" perhaps comes from the fact you are "separated" right now. Maybe he's really starting to think that he may lose you and what that means.
It may not be the solution you're hoping for but it seems most WAS just can't make that decision easily (to stay or go) -- it's part of the fog that they're in.
Yes he is having a hard time acting on his "decision" to leave the OW. H has consistenly told me he want to work things out yet still lives with OW as far as I know.
H called a few minutes ago OW got email from my MIL. OW didnt tell him what it said or how she felt about it just that she got an email. I asked him why did she call you then just to ruin your night...whatever
I'm wondering how to act around him. I have been out of town now for 3 weeks. I miss him so much and talk to him every couple of days or so, sometimes more. Should I stop answering his calls and emailing? Do I tell him I miss him or let it go? It's very confusing to me. Sometimes I think if I tell him I miss him, he will understand that I am willing to try and work things out and we dont have to fight all the time like we did a few months ago (when i found out about A) Then other times I think i am being to pushy/needy? Whatever we will see how things go I guess.
It's been a few days nothing has really changed. OW sent me an email stating my H is still pursuing the relationship between them but she states she does not want a "romantic relationship"! Please they are practically living together and then some. I dont by that crap for one minute. SO I emailed H and confronted him about it yesterday, so far no response. H said he was going to start seeing a pastor for some help...no big surprise that got cancelled last weekend. Says he is going to reschedule this weekned I guess we will see. I'm still at a loss for what to do and how to act. He usually calls once a day but I really dont have a lot to talk about so I dont always answer. I wish he would start making some progress, something anything to give me hope other than empty promises! I am still out of town dont know when I will return as it's easier right now to be away.
I am heading back to Michigan in the morning. Have been in Florida for 6 weeks now. H promised me when I left he would dump OW and of course he has not!! I am at a complete loss and dont know what to do or how to handle this. I think I still want the marriage to work but i'm not so sure anymore. The longer this goes on the harder it is. I mean is it really worth it? I think I would still like to try but what do I do about OW???? There relationship is not normal I checked phone records for last month, there was a day that they called each other 23 times!!!!!!! I am going to try the 180 when I get back but H is not living at home and I really dont see him much at all. I havent gotten much of a response on here so I stopped writing but would somebody please offer me some advice! Please just a little insight would be great.
Thank you so much for responding. I stopped writing as much because I was not getting any response.
I got back from Florida 1 week ago. As far as I know H is still seeing OW, which he promised would be taken care of. H came over last fri, sat and sun to see our son but spent little time at the house. I am very disappointed in the fact that we were gone so long and he still dosent come over much to spend time with our son. He is missing out on so much. I have tried very hard to change. I think I came back in a much better state than when I left. H has told me that I look good, and he missed me. Gave me a huge the first day we saw each other. I have definately changed my attitude around him. NO more R talk, started dressing differently, going out and doing things with friends. when H asks where I am at I just say out with friends. I have noticed a change in his behavior since I have been home. Compliments me all the time on looking nice, wondering where I am at and who I am with. I went and saw an attorney on wed. just to see where things would stand and to talk about custody. I am not ready to give up but very discouraged. Although I have seen some change, he is still seeing OW and still being VERY selfish. He had not seen us in 6 weeks but left saturday and sunday early to go out with his friends, and never came over during the week.
Again although I have noticed some changes this has been going on for about 3 months and I'm growing tired of the situation very fast. H moved out end of dec. but always talks about "when I move home blah blah blah". He talks to friends and family and always says he is going "to make things right" that he wants to be back together, says the same to me but his actions do not show this. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
