Jen, I am working totally from memory, but it went something like this:

"Dear W:

Thank you for the call yesterday. You have really helped me get to a different mindspace. I did not realize that you have been thinking of this for the past 12 years...it must have been terrible to carry that around for such a long time. I realize I have no right to assume how you feel, after all they are your feelings, not mine.

I do not want you back in our marriage if you are truly not "in love" with me. It is unfair to both of us.

I prefer that we are together. But at this point it sounds impossible. So, I will not stand in your way if you want to move on. I will no longer expect you to come back, and I don't want you to feel that you have to.

I hope that we will continue to, as always, have a deep and soulful friendship. I will always be there for you.

Much love, MM"

When I clicked "SEND", I lost my breath. But I knew something had to be done to break the dynamic of the past few months. It was moving in the right direction, but she knew beyond a doubt that I would wait for her...there was no challenge. With the Dobson Letter, now there was doubt. Maybe I wouldn't wait. Maybe I would be the one to walk.

We talked about it on Saturday night, as I gave her a nice foot rub. She said "well played". I said, "I didn't play anything...that is how I felt at the time, and that is how I feel now". I continued rubbing her feet. She said, "no, I don't mean you 'played' me...but you knew I wouldn't see this as a release, as a get out of jail free card...you knew I'd stay put". I said "no I didn't...that's why it's more important than you might realize". She said "well, you have set me free, and here I am, still here". I said "yep...and me too".

We both commented on how we could have such a deep and potentially relationship-ending discussion in a calm, loving manner, while I gave her a foot massage. If anyone would have told me a year ago that we could do this, I'd tell them they were on crack!

So...we have made huge progress i think...we just need to get back under the same roof to take it to the next level.