I've read the first two books--a long time ago--preDB, not the second two. So from everything you've said...I know for sure you have an amazing heart. You have a wonderful capacity for love....and your family is blessed to have you.
I know you are looking for a miracle.....and they do happen....I've witnessed them myself. A couple times in my life there have been instances of nothing short of divine intervention...and one was about a week ago. That said...God never intercepts anyone's free will.
The difference in Michele's books is the perspective of ACTION. Doing and getting results. That doesn't mean there isn't heart behind it. Michele ( and Virginia) have wonderful wonderful hearts...I digress.
In DBing you are going to look at PATTERNS OF INTERACTION. It's great, because it removes the blame, which you are kind of looking to do....it would be so easy to blame your wife for her bad behavior. I love that you are willing to try, and invoke change in yourself. You are the kind of person who will change the world.
No matter 'who starts it' the pattern goes that A does something and B reacts a certain way and then A reacts to that blah blah blah. The theory is....just change the pattern. The other person will necessarily do something different as well. Hopefully it's a good thing. If not....wait a bit....unless you just got a worse reaction, then do something ELSE different. SEE...it isn't hard...at least to say......and once you get the hang and the focus, it isn't hard to do. (I'm slow, took me a long time, but you don't seem so slow.)
I would suggest right now that you stop the talk. Just work on body language right now. Mirror her. See if it keeps her calm.
And that's what we're working on right now.....keeping her calm, and reasonable. Unless you have other goals (usually we work with goals first.)
What are the GOOD THINGS in your relationship?
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
