H is having affair after all

[Evie]

Thanks guys, i really need your support right now. Your supportive words and hugs and encouragement have got me through this week.

Holly - i have ordered the book that you mentioned.

As predicted H has started constant email contact. On Thursday morning I had 3 emails at work. Doesn't sound a lot, but given the fact that I could barely function it was all a bit too overwhelming. It mainly started on Tuesday, I had parents evening at school for the boys which H couldn't attend, due to work.

He emailed me the next morning to ask how I had got on, I gave a brief albeit geist of the conversation. He emailed back and said 'could i not elaborate' there must be more, i said there was a little mainly conversation type stuff, but i was too busy to go into at work.

Nest morning i had an email of H that said he was waiting for more info about the parents evening and also he was making small talk about my boss. I was really cross to be honest about the chitty chatty very casual way he was talking. I said, there wasn't much more to say about the parents evening really and I had no intention on making small talk or casual chit chat with him, could he please leave me alone at work.

Then i had another email from him, saying he was angry with me for with holding information from him about the boys, we had to work together where the boys were concerned, he was angry that i had changed the password on the computer at home (he couldn't log on to it from work)he needed access to the house and would i leave a key for him, he wanted to know what i was going to do with the business, b/c it was all in his name and he would be blacklisted, on and on and on.

I sent this email in return (by this time i was in a state of high anxiety):


''Yes I agree, but right now this week I would like a bit of understanding from you. There is a time and a place and I don't want to talk about this while I'm at work. I'm busy.

There isn't much more to say about the boys, I'm not been difficult, that was the geist, if you're not happy with that, then maybe have a word with the teachers in the morning.

You have had the knowledge of your affair for the last few months, I've known about it for a week, I'm devastated and struggling with it and need time and space to start to heal and move on.

I feel that you do not have any compassion, sympathy or regard for my feelings right now, and I'm sorry if you're angry, but you can't expect me to accept it and be ok with it. This isn't what I wanted for us and it has come as a huge shock.

There is a lot I still want answers to, but accept I'll probably never know the truth from you.

No more correspondence please while I'm at work'

At this point, i made an appointment with my Dr and went off to the surgery (she has given me some medication, diazepam, 2mg, to take as and when to calm me down).

When i got back to work, there was another email from H, i decided that i needed to state a boundary so I sent him another email (by this time the happy pills had kicked in and i was quite calm):

''Another email.
I feel now is the time to set some boundaries, at least concerning communication. May we at least agree for the next 4 weeks - when we can reassess, that communication between us is on urgent matters only. And this urgent communication is to be out of office hours only, unless concerning the boys.

I know you want answers and reassurances. I am not making any decisions at the moment; I need to get through the next few weeks first. You are welcome to come to house for ski equipment, French property details, dvds etc. Just text me when you want to come.

The business will continue as normal.

I trust you will understand and respect this request. Please do not read anything into this other than I need time and space.''

I had another 2 emails following this and 3 emails on my home computer.... He just isn't getting the message..

I went to see a counsellor last night as well. I talked she listened. I go back on tuesday. The small amount she did say, was that she sensed i was very strong and that H was immature and seemed unable to cope with commitment and responsibilty and didn't seem to be handling 'my' rejection of him at all well. I told her he seemed to justify his affair by saying it started when we had split up and from his point of view he was a single man and if that was the case why she thought he hadn't let go and come clean with me? She said he was probably hedging his bets. I said that right now my hope for the future was a reconsilition, she said right now the focus was on me and getting me through this.

I had a good day at work. Logged onto my home computer and i have another email from H, asking me to answer his 3 emails from last night....He must think i sit on my arse all night with nothing better to do, i've just taken another happy pill as i could feel the anxiety coming on.

He'd trying to push my buttons and i'm just not reacting, i'm not reacting the way he thought I would. I think he thinks i'm too calm and is worried what my next move will be.

Wishing you all a fab weekend.

X Evie