Not sure how to handle this

[mishka422]

I am going to have a heart attack, I swear! H has been so distant since Sunday. Friday and Saturday were really good. He was very affectionate and truly wanted to be home. Sunday he pulled away and stopped communicating again and has stayed that way ever since.

We had lunch together today and I told him I had talked to the marriage mentor leaders at the church and we could meet with them tomorrow morning at 10am if he wanted to. He said he would and then added that he has an appt with counselor on 25MAR. Why they couldn't get him in before that I don't know! He asked me how I felt it was going since he had been home. I told him I felt it was great the first couple of days but then he slid away from me and I felt him go cold and distant and we needed to work on that. He said he felt the same way. He doesn't know why he changed back to feeling uncomfortable and he doesn't like it, can't explain it, but he really felt like he was obligated to be there. I told him that obligated would mean that someone was forcing him to do something. He said no one was forcing him to do anything and I had been very accommodating and kind. Not pushy at all and he's glad that I seem like I'm truly happy and content with my life after I have been so sullen and "down" for the last few years. I told him about the changes I have made for myself and the realizations about myself that I had come to and he liked hearing it. He said he was glad to see me with a smile on my face. He wishes he had one. I told him I only want him to be happy and at peace within himself.

Overall the talk was good but I left lunch feeling even less at ease because he still says he doesn't know if he can stay and I REALLY can't watch him walk away again right now. It's only been a week for heavens sake! I know I'm a lot stronger now than I was before but seriously he can't do this to our son. It will kill him! He's so thrilled to have him home.

We're taking S13 to the movies tonight and then maybe bowling. We'll see how it goes. I hate feeling like I'm useless and there's nothing I can do to help him. I love him and I don't want his MLC to tear us apart again. He knows OW is not all she was cracked up to be so I don't see him heading back to her but I just can't stand having MY life so up in the air!