Beyond sad -

[minkerman]

I have my own theory on so-called unconditional love.

I think that we have a certain level of what we call "love" for other people, which is truly unconditional. You will feel this level of love for them no matter what they do. This "baseline" love is what we feel for our spouses, children, family members, best friends etc. But I think that love can be "enhanced" above the baseline, by things that our loved ones do or say, for us and others. For instance, your kid is a great kid, does things for you and other people, gives of himself freely. The "enhanced" love is through the roof. Then that same kid gets gets addicted to drugs. You still love him. But the warm feelings of "enhanced" love can dwindle to the point of not being there. That variable piece is what I think we call "conditional love". But the unconditional never goes away.

In other words, you may say to your spouse, "I love you this much, and I will always love you this much". That is without conditions, or 'unconditional'. But the 'enhanced' love is what grows and grows (or dwindles) over the years, and is what disappears when a spouse says ILYBINILWY. That is conditional love, and once again, the unconditional is still there.

I think that is why my wife says she loves me, and will always love me...but her "feelings of love" have dwindled to a very low point. And we are both hoping the tank can be refilled.

This is totally a theory, but it makes sense to me!