Her: You're probably wondering why I invited you to lunch
Me: I'm listening
Her: Well...I can't live like this any more. I need to move on. We don't even talk any more.
Me: There's a lot of things we don't do any more....
Me: You know..you've been saying you need to move on for 11 months now. You seem to say one thing and do another.
Her: You don't believe me?
Me: Do you blame me? I hear one thing, and see another.
Her: Well, I was hoping that we can work through this amicably.
Me: I'm listening
Her: I need to know what your priorities are.
Me: Fair enough, I have three of them
Her: For example, do you want to keep the house?
Me: Sure, I would love to keep the house.
Her: Can you afford it?
Me: No
Her: Well, maybe I can help you with that. You know, maybe you can buy me out in a few years
Me: Ok, but I don't see that happening.
Her: Why is that?
Me: I'm having a difficult time paying the bills now. You have not been paying your fair share of the family finances.
Her: I've been paying what I think I owe.
Me: You can't just pay some arbitrary number. I've given you documented detail of what you owe. And you are refusing to pay anything. (slapping seat) "Nope, I'm not gonna pay." Does that sound fair to you?
Her: Don't talk down to me. I've paid you twice. And I shouldn't have to pay for the paper. I never read it.
Me: OK, I'll take that out...(sigh)
Her: Is this how it's gonna be? Are we gonna fight?
Me: That's up to you.
Her: I don't want to do it that way.
Me: Well, it doesn't seem that way to me. Is this what your attorney advised you to do? Not pay me anything?
Her: She advised me to pay half.
Me: So you aren't taking the advice of your attorney?.... What percentage of her practice is family law?
Her: Why is that important? You want me to get another attorney?
Me: Oh, no, don't do that. She's fine with me.
Her: (tears welling in her eyes) Pay the bill.
And she walked out.
I called her cell, and she refused to answer.
Couple observations:
First, I know her very well, and she is absolutely paralyzed with fear. She is looking to me for aid and comfort. She wants me to work with her... yet she is making it difficult for me to see her as somebody I would want to help (cheating on me, not paying, etc).
Second, She is under the mistaken notion that these things go along without any disagreement. She is wrong, wrong, wrong. Although I am far from an expert, even a "same-side-of-the-table" divorce (called a dissolution in Ohio) is not without disagreement.
Third, IMO, the offer to help with the house was nothing more than throwing guilt at me. See, if she can help me with things, it becomes less likely that I will tell anybody of her infidelity. However, if she isn't helping me today, I just don't see her helping me at all tomorrow.
Fourth, her focus is on things. My focus is on the kids. I would give away everything I own for the kids to not have to go through this. Yet her focus is on finances (well, really on herself - see above).
Fifth, her walking out shows me that she is confused. Very confused. Her plan is blowing up in her face (isn't it supposed to be easier than this? Pay a lawyer, sign a few papers, and BAM!!).
Finally, I didn't get to eat my fish tacos...
So... her next step is to take the money that she owes me, pay her attorney, and file for divorce.
