Need Help

[troubled_husband]

1) Believe it or not, I still care about my W. She has major self-image issues and D would be the ultimate rejection to her.

2) My religious persuasion is against divorce.

3) I have seen that my W has a better side, it is just well hidden many times.

4) I know my one son would be devastated by a divorce. He would not understand. (The other son openly wonders why we are still married.)

5) I have seen God do miraculus things in the past and I am hoping for another one here. I expect it might take quite a bit of work though.

6) I am not completely innocent in this. Although I get accused of many things that I have not thought (let alone said or done), I am not always sensitive to her needs either.

7) If the M fails, I still need to become a healthier person. I don't see running away as a way to deal with my inner conflicts. I am afraid they will just reappear in different ways if I do not deal with them now. My hope is that dealing with my issues will make a difference in the relationship. Right now, it appears to be making it worse. But maybe in the long run it will make a difference. If me becoming healthier destroys the M, then the M itself is not viable. But no one likes change. It may take awhile for my W to adapt to my change.

8) In the past, I have allowed this situation to grow and continue by not making a stand against the verbal/emotional attacks. I hope that learning to make a stand will eventually make an impact.

Right now, I am accused of emotional abuse because I will walk away when I feel attacked or overwhelmed. I am using a 'time-out' technique we both learned in counseling and were incouraged to use for just this situation. My W thinks it is just an excuse for not dealing with issues. It is possible that there are some issues I am not ready to deal with, but most of the time it is verbal triggers that are signs that the conversation will just degenerate. At this point, I think it is better to stop the conversation/argument before that happens.

Anyone have input?