To sg...

Thank you sooooo much for responding to my posts I was wondering if this forum was a ghost town ?

I do appreciate your post and when you get done reading my threads.... you will have to curl up and get some popcorn to get thru them............

................~~~ you will see that with heartfelt passion I went thru H*ll and back to get to where I am today. I post here and in Piecing cause it is two different things that will lead to Happiness with in my M.
I am not sex starved.. although my H has been gone for a while on Vacation ;\) and ML right now to him would be so beautiful. So I felt "guilty " posting here but if you only knew the sadness and mayhem I have allowed to take over my M "silentlY" by not being the sexual Woman that God created me to be. It has been scary at best and thank you for worrying taht I am "SAD " but actually sweetie I am the HAPPIEST I have ever been in a very, very long time. By him telling me and being vulnerable enought to put himself on a plate on offer himself to me and tell me to try my best and realize how much I mean to him. ~Wow what a blessing. I felt sad while I was typing b/c of him and the sadness he is feeling by not just giving myself to him. And b/c I realize how strongly I hold onto the past instead of living in the present. Sad really... really sad..........


Also I have been on this forum for almost 2 years and for me to be in Newcomers ( even though I appreciate your advice) would in my eyes not be ok. When I was newly seperated I would "peek" in on the Piecing forum and look at like the RED CARPET , FOR PEOPL HERE. I worked my A** of with sweat and tears and to be there again would to me actually be insulting the people who are there and in sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much pain. I have been there and the pain I go thru now is so different from that soul wrenching pain,, no comparison at this time for me.
I was even put in inspring stories by the moderators last year, for saving my M and I felt so proud of me...... the first day I posted on Newcomers I NEVER!!!!! would have dreamed of ever being an inspiring story in the Future.

I humbly cried tears of JOY... and I still do occasionally in appreciation of the BOOK DR and this online community of loving people....


Also you will see that he was in a down ward sprial of negativity in the past and he has come a long way and also I have come a long way in not putting up with it anymore with my hard work and advice from beautiful people here! and lots of 2x4s... old timer would always make me stop dea in my tracks and want to change the parts of me that seemed to me so loving but they were actually hurting me.
Also COG, Santhony, Grasshopper helped me tremendously to grow "UP". Their kind and loving words helped me everyday....... to become a better Woman.

And as far as when I have a few and then we ML,, fantastic. See my problem isnt in Sex it is in me holding onto the past and looking for him to validate me in order for me to grow. And that is where I fail. I need to love myself enough and then when the validation comes it will be like an extra gift but it wont be neccessary for me to live. This is what I ahev realized in my past few days of soul searching and Reading PM.

Also yes I listend to a ~ MWD ~Radio show on another website and yes I need to " JUST DO IT" ......stop "trying" .......and REALLY ~just do it.


So thank you once again for your input . I will stay in piecing and update when I can, and if you dont mind I will also stay here, b/c I never thought I needed to be here and that is the PROBLEM ,, I DO need to be here and more than anything my H needs me to be here. He needs me..........
MANY people follow my thread on Piecing, they dont post much but their support gives me strength, and hopefully I can make a few friends here too that will help me on my journey of really making love in a grown up loving , passionate way. And making my H feel like a KING. * like he is THE ONE that rocks my boat no other* ;\)
Love to you and God Bless, ~Ali