Quote:
I want to head this off before it becomes an issue. How do you break this cycle? I want us to have regular affection and love just being close and connected with her. I don't need it to always turn into sex. I need for her to understand this. We do talk about this, but I sometimes wonder if my actions reflect what I'm saying.


I WISH I could really give you concrete advice on how to break the cycle ... you know a one sentence solution filled with words that put you into motion.... all of us have different issues but I do believe that at the core we all need very similiar things.....

I will say this and maybe it wil help you... my H called yesterday and he said he loved me and he said he wasnt going to pressure me anymore that he was going to leave the ball in my court so to speak. And he said it such a loving manner that it impressed me and it felt genuine. You see when I am under his microscope everything I do feels so watched so criticized and so wrong. I hardly can do anything w/o thinking is he going to like this , am I doing this right. And so my drive to want to just be me and do things does go away. Also when he lets go he allows me to breathe and really make an effort to start new.

It feels like he lifted a ton of weight of my chest and I felt so good yesterday.

I will not forget what we talked about and the sadness it brought to me knowing I have so much power to hurt him w/o even trying to made me realize that I need to "SHOW" HIM ALL THE LOVE I HAVE INSIDE.

And yes... in the past it was very hard for me to just want to ML or have sex or really just ^*((**^%*& HIM in a good Married connected way ;\) b/c all day long he was being critical and etc etc etc... I have come to one BBBBBBBBBBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGG realization....


I DEPEND ON HIM FOR A REFLECTED SENSE OF SELF.... which means if he says I look hot or he is in an great mood then I am "OK" or if we were in bed and he showed me he loved it then I felt "OK".... but if he didnt give me anything then I would retreat , instead of "shining" on my own. You see what I mean?
And now I have made a vow within myself to not "try" anymore ..... trying has gotten me nowhere fast.......... I need to just jump in !!!!!!!!!!! and go back to being the sexual being I was when I met him and not measure or think it to death.

Maybe it is the same for your honey , maybe not.

Maybe if you shower her with love and genuine caring that really and truly comes from a place of love and only love she will slowly ( AND I MEAN sloooooooowly ) COME around.......

It has taken my H 2 years to be vulnerable with me and to be this Man he is now. And I do know that it is b/c I have put my EGO aside as much as I Humanly can and realized it is not all about me it is about him too. I had to drop the rope and love him fearlessly and now the sexual issues are at the forefront.

Try not to get frustrated so much ( I know seems next to impossible) but take those frustrations out somewhere else, go for a run , or a walk. READ Passionate Marriage,, work your A** off and keep hope.
Remember how wonderful you are for caring and trying to understand your Wife.

I hope my babbling helped you some.... I feel like I am terrible at typing out advice..... I will try to look you up and read your thread when I get home from work. \:\)
God Bless you HFF.....
* My brain is a jumble of good stuff right now and I hope just reading my posts helps you in some way.
Your Post helped me in just seeing I am not the only one and by just having your support~
God Bless, ~Ali