I will try this again with a clearer head..help

[Dom R]

The thing I found difficult to accept was the woman I thought I was married to was NOT who Dodo REALLY was..

I think this is a bit short-sighted, or narrow.

I think that, for a majority of cases where someone goes off and has an affair, or otherwise completely throws away your view of their moral compass... it's not that that's "who they really are".

We are all complex beings, and we all have the capability for good, or great evil. Someone has written about affairs, that the biggest difference between those who have them, and those who dont.. is that the ones who have them, had greater opportunity for it.
(in other words, if the temptation is big enough, almost anyone is capable of having an affair)

I think that is actually true.
So, in that light, it's not a matter of "who they really are", but "how they choose to be now"